It's so frustrating. Any time you're reminded that you aren't like everyone else here. Even the other inhuman ones. Most of them might as well be, it's plain to see even they think you're an idiot just because you don't know how these things work. You don't care about fitting in, but you already feel so out of place. Being shut up indoors sets you on edge, immediate fight or flight. Stifling too, just like being kept in this human shaped body that feels too tight for what you really are. Or should normally. Now it isn't even there in the background, an important part of you missing that you've so relied on. Even the sword you carry everywhere anyway doesn't feel the same. Those missing feelings are like a void in your very being.
You just hate this. Not being yourself, having to navigate interacting with people and suddenly having to adhere to human expectations and basic needs. Every time someone makes a big deal about how you don't care about food, or that you don't bother cleaning blood off yourself. It just makes you feel more other. Like you have to pretend just so they won't give you a hard time. Or because someone made something for you so you have to be polite enough, but that you don't appreciate it just makes you feel badly about that on top of being out of place. Why should you have to act a certain way just because it's normal to everyone else?
And another...
You are manually breathing. And doing so is a monumental effort, each rattling in your chest like your lungs are full of holes. Your whole body feels about the same, the parts you can feel. Your legs, for one, are entirely numb. But as much as it hurts, physically, as if you can track the ruin as it happens, the pain isn't the problem. The sense of being not only helpless but utterly degraded is what keeps your heart beating and motivates you to struggle through each laboured breath. You know that you are at death's door, it feels as if you just crawled right out of a grave in fact.
But not like this. You can die later, but absolutely not in such a sorry state, in some gutter, without acknowledgment, without any sign you ever existed.
You gain +1 Perseverance. Do you need this now? Maybe. Good thing you're nosy. How about another?
You want to fight so bad. But it can't just be sparring as everyone suggests, that might satisfy some need for activity, but that isn't the kind of violence that calls to you. What you need is the excitement of life or death, how can you settle for less when that's the only fun you knew for so long? And when it's not just a personality trait, it's just in your bones. That seeing weakness and blood makes your blood boil. And the intoxicating feeling of the power it gives you.
Okay that's a big wall of text for this comment. Continue?
Re: LIBRARY
You just hate this. Not being yourself, having to navigate interacting with people and suddenly having to adhere to human expectations and basic needs. Every time someone makes a big deal about how you don't care about food, or that you don't bother cleaning blood off yourself. It just makes you feel more other. Like you have to pretend just so they won't give you a hard time. Or because someone made something for you so you have to be polite enough, but that you don't appreciate it just makes you feel badly about that on top of being out of place. Why should you have to act a certain way just because it's normal to everyone else?
And another...
You are manually breathing. And doing so is a monumental effort, each rattling in your chest like your lungs are full of holes. Your whole body feels about the same, the parts you can feel. Your legs, for one, are entirely numb. But as much as it hurts, physically, as if you can track the ruin as it happens, the pain isn't the problem. The sense of being not only helpless but utterly degraded is what keeps your heart beating and motivates you to struggle through each laboured breath. You know that you are at death's door, it feels as if you just crawled right out of a grave in fact.
But not like this. You can die later, but absolutely not in such a sorry state, in some gutter, without acknowledgment, without any sign you ever existed.
You gain +1 Perseverance. Do you need this now? Maybe. Good thing you're nosy. How about another?
You want to fight so bad. But it can't just be sparring as everyone suggests, that might satisfy some need for activity, but that isn't the kind of violence that calls to you. What you need is the excitement of life or death, how can you settle for less when that's the only fun you knew for so long? And when it's not just a personality trait, it's just in your bones. That seeing weakness and blood makes your blood boil. And the intoxicating feeling of the power it gives you.
Okay that's a big wall of text for this comment. Continue?