He really can't complain. Maybe he'd rather be there for it, but...if anyone's going to snoop this hard, at least it's someone he's given his actual soul to. Who reaches into it plenty already to see his feelings. This is just a bit more pointed.
Here's one you talked about recently, so at least it's not a surprise.
This is...a melancholy sort of feeling. Bittersweet. You're happy, very happy, when even a little joy is foreign to you. But you feel superfluous. An unnecessary addition that would change nothing if you weren't there. It's alright, because you're just glad to be included, and watching your closest friends (the first friends you ever had in your life, in fact) talk and enjoy themselves together warms you. You would do anything for them, that this place will make their happiness falter at all makes you want to tear it all down with your own hands. That anyone wouldn't see just how amazing they are, would stand in their way, say awful things about them or try to kill them -- that sets your heart and mind ablaze with the need to protect them at all costs. Downright obsessive, volatile.
But it remains in the back of your mind, that you don't really matter in this equation. Logically you know they care for you, it isn't a lie. But what do you offer? You are normally proud of your mind, but next to them? Such lofty aspirations you want to be part of, but nothing you can do. They work hard together, constantly, and you...read poetry. You want to impress them so badly, earn their praise and approval, prove you're just as useful, intelligent, powerful... But they really don't need you. Not for your skills, and certainly not your companionship. They have each other, after all. What space do you fill for any one of them that another doesn't do better?
It hurts, every time one of them smiles. You could almost cry, knowing how important they are to you, while you will never be the same to them. ...That's fine, you're still happy. You've never been first to anyone anyway, and you've hurt them too much to be so precious. It just makes everything sting a bit.
You gain +1 Perseverance.
It feels like you haven't laughed in years upon years, not just hyperbole but that you truly haven't felt an ounce of joy. Hardly even spoken to another person in all that time. But you hear a woman's laugh, and you can't help laughing in turn. Such a foreign thing it comes out strange and almost hoarse. This stirring of forgotten things hurts. It's easy to be alone and unhappy when you can't realise that you're miserable. Not so easy when even a small amount of happiness makes it painfully clear.
Then there's the feeling of a hand on your arm, and it seizes your heart. This is...dangerous. You shouldn't be feeling anything. She can't possibly actually care, and even if she did you can't have that weakness, pathetic human emotions. But there's a part of you that desperately wants to believe she does, that you matter to someone, and that you could protect her.
Still, you know that isn't the case, and you have to get out before it's too late to push your emotions back down.
And the next, do you even realise it's about you? It's not terribly obvious, but you're smart, you can figure it out right?
You feel a kiss on your forehead, and are left shocked and confused. You don't know how to react to it, if it was just about anyone else you might stab them. In this case though - kissing this man properly crosses your thoughts. And you promptly crush that notion. Push it to the furthest corners of your mind and decide not to ever consider it again or explore that line of thought.
Then there are arms around you and it's even harder both to push the idea away and to know how to handle this. Every muscle in your body tenses, you want to run. But you're so sick and tired of being without a shred of affection. You also want to hang on for dear life and never let this sensation stop.
Re: LIBRARY
Here's one you talked about recently, so at least it's not a surprise.
This is...a melancholy sort of feeling. Bittersweet. You're happy, very happy, when even a little joy is foreign to you. But you feel superfluous. An unnecessary addition that would change nothing if you weren't there. It's alright, because you're just glad to be included, and watching your closest friends (the first friends you ever had in your life, in fact) talk and enjoy themselves together warms you. You would do anything for them, that this place will make their happiness falter at all makes you want to tear it all down with your own hands. That anyone wouldn't see just how amazing they are, would stand in their way, say awful things about them or try to kill them -- that sets your heart and mind ablaze with the need to protect them at all costs. Downright obsessive, volatile.
But it remains in the back of your mind, that you don't really matter in this equation. Logically you know they care for you, it isn't a lie. But what do you offer? You are normally proud of your mind, but next to them? Such lofty aspirations you want to be part of, but nothing you can do. They work hard together, constantly, and you...read poetry. You want to impress them so badly, earn their praise and approval, prove you're just as useful, intelligent, powerful... But they really don't need you. Not for your skills, and certainly not your companionship. They have each other, after all. What space do you fill for any one of them that another doesn't do better?
It hurts, every time one of them smiles. You could almost cry, knowing how important they are to you, while you will never be the same to them. ...That's fine, you're still happy. You've never been first to anyone anyway, and you've hurt them too much to be so precious. It just makes everything sting a bit.
You gain +1 Perseverance.
It feels like you haven't laughed in years upon years, not just hyperbole but that you truly haven't felt an ounce of joy. Hardly even spoken to another person in all that time. But you hear a woman's laugh, and you can't help laughing in turn. Such a foreign thing it comes out strange and almost hoarse. This stirring of forgotten things hurts. It's easy to be alone and unhappy when you can't realise that you're miserable. Not so easy when even a small amount of happiness makes it painfully clear.
Then there's the feeling of a hand on your arm, and it seizes your heart. This is...dangerous. You shouldn't be feeling anything. She can't possibly actually care, and even if she did you can't have that weakness, pathetic human emotions. But there's a part of you that desperately wants to believe she does, that you matter to someone, and that you could protect her.
Still, you know that isn't the case, and you have to get out before it's too late to push your emotions back down.
And the next, do you even realise it's about you? It's not terribly obvious, but you're smart, you can figure it out right?
You feel a kiss on your forehead, and are left shocked and confused. You don't know how to react to it, if it was just about anyone else you might stab them. In this case though - kissing this man properly crosses your thoughts. And you promptly crush that notion. Push it to the furthest corners of your mind and decide not to ever consider it again or explore that line of thought.
Then there are arms around you and it's even harder both to push the idea away and to know how to handle this. Every muscle in your body tenses, you want to run. But you're so sick and tired of being without a shred of affection. You also want to hang on for dear life and never let this sensation stop.
You're almost through them now, just a few more.