idolpro | leo tsukinaga's ideal world 🌕 ♫4 (final)

[That's the relationship they have. Trying to help, always hurting, always fighting. Rivals. Friends. Enemies. Who knows, really?]

Fufufu... you can't 'make everyone happy' here anyway. The only people here... are me and you.

[It's. Sad. He was already in Wataru's world, and he saw fine. Those he wishes so desperately to see again, but who he's said goodbye to in his heart. And funny enough, seeing Knights again stirs some similar feelings. He left so much behind, didn't he?

But it's cruel to pretend like these "people" are those people.]

[ the knights remain silent.

Sena, who had been standing against the white knight piece this entire time, finally moves to stand beside Leo. just a quiet presence. ]

...... that's fine, isn't it? I couldn't make everyone happy in the real world, either.

Is it fine?

...You miss them terribly. [He knows Leo is. Not usually logical. Thankfully Eichi never really speaks logically. I mean he tries but he gets tangled up in his metaphors a lot.

He looks over the 'Knights'. The fact that they didn't argue makes it kinf of easy not to even really... feel bad. And he shouldn't, right? They're illusions.]

You'll never really get to see them again if you are too busy playing with fake ones. So come, why don't we see your performance. You can't mess anything up! The audience, the Knights, it all belongs to you. They're parts of your heart, and so the only one you can disappoint is yourself.

And me, but you won't disappoint me.

[ they won't interfere. they're just dolls, after all. it's such a fragile illusion, but it's all he really has. at least that's what he thinks. ]

I disappoint you all the time. [ he retorts, in a dull tone like he wants to just shut this whole conversation down.

but. for some reason he doesn't. ]

No matter what I do, no matter what I say, no matter how I try to approach you, no matter what I always disappoint you. If I'm around I disappoint you, if I disappear then I disappoint you-- so what am I supposed to do!?

You remember, don't you? How much I made everyone hate me-- hate Knights? And then after that I couldn't even stand to face the hatred I received... I just ran away. That's the kind of person I am! I just make people hate me, and then I run away!

Why...?

Why do you blame yourself...? It was my fault. So shouldn't I be the one saying I'm disappointing? I wanted to be your friend but I am a nasty little monster, so I ruined it for everyone. But no one that I want to talk to ever wants to talk about it anymore.

I understand how you must feel though. If I were in your position, I would not want to leave either. Just... build up a delusion around me in which the people that I've hurt aren't hurt anymore, where everyone just says "Don't worry Eichi, it was just growing pains, and everything is so much better now." A place where I could be happy and everything went my way, maybe something that would even assuage or erase my guilt completely.

But it's not the truth, and you can see it, and I can see it, so. It feels hollow, right? These mannequins that looks like your loved ones won't give you what you want, so you should retire them before you see your Knights again.

[He folds his arms over his chest, more holding himself than in a stance of arrogance.]

I know what I wanted from you is to try to recapture what we once had, but I don't know if it is possible. Maybe I just get disappointed in you because I'm expecting the wrong thing. After all, the past can't be changed, so that's a fault of mine, too. You have your own flaws of course, but it is just a matter of incompatibility. Me, desperately wishing for the innocent days when we could sit beside each other and play music and sing, only to alleviate my loneliness and so that you could hear my voice, not for a crowd, or ideals, or in order to conquer our opponents. That's something that made at least two people happy, right?

...You shouldn't worry so much about how I feel about you, anyway. Look at all these people here, and think about the new friends you are making, as well as the old. I'm not the only person important to you, right?

......... back then, it made me happy just to play the piano with you.

[ mutters, softly to the floor. at some point the knights have faded more into the background. this is a conversation more between eichi and leo now, after all. ]

That was back when I thought all I had to do to make someone else happy was to create music and sing and dance... back then, I thought all I had to do to be loved was to show everyone else how much I loved them. Even though I knew there were bad people in the world, I still trusted that everyone around me was just doing their best.

... that's the kind of person I was back then. ... no matter how much I want to return to being the same person I was back then in that blindingly white hospital room, I don't think I can. I can't play piano with you the same way I used to back then.

And I can't trust people the same way anymore, either. Whenever I try to get close to them I get scared... even when they say nice things to me all I can hear are the words beneath the words they're actually saying, like some ear-piercing note only I can hear. Even Rai and Tsuba... I want to trust them, I want to love them freely, but I'm scared to do it.

[ that's it, isn't it... the core of the truth of this world.

the floor begins to crack beneath eichi's feet. hundreds of tiny cracks, multiplying and branching out like spiderwebs of stars, threatening to swallow him up if he pushes much farther. ]

That's why it's better here... I don't have to be scared here. I don't have to go on stage and feel all of those eyes on me, I don't have to play games, I don't have to doubt the feelings of other people here. Because I made this. I created this world. It's mine.

This world is temporary. There's no way it's sustainable. Even if you do not choose to leave, we are at the whims of the devils. Sooner or later, you'll be forced out, and you'll be worse for it- playing only with dolls who act and feel the way you want them to, though they can never truly act nor feel. You won't be scared here maybe, but you won't be happy, and I think happiness is worth the risk.

It IS your world. You made it because you want to feel safe, and because you want to make people happy so badly that you'd condemn yourself to isolation if it meant not "messing up", is that right?

Well.

You're right that it's hard to trust. And that it's scary knowing that trust can be broken, but that's what makes the bonds we make so much more powerful. They overcome the fear of rejection or betrayal and...

[He motions to the cracks in the world, pointing through them.]

Those people are these stars. Bright, hot points of light, who can only shine because of how they are surrounded by the cold and the dark. They may be so far away, but if we never looked up into the sky for fear of that endless darkness, we'd never have noticed that the moon is right there next to us.

It's important that we don't let fear control us. You still have the power to make people happy- "everyone" is a big ask, but idols have pulled off miracles before- but don't you think that it's worth it to reach out, even if it only brings happiness to one of those stars?

leo tsukinaga's ideal world 🌕 ♫4 (final)

Re: the knights

Re: the knights

Re: the knights

Re: the knights

Re: the knights

Re: the knights

Re: the knights