idolpro | ??? Explora Session 3: 9AM PST/11AM CST/Noon EST Start

[ It's not a fruiting tree, it seems; just beautiful lush green leaves, here. You start to bend a single branch.

But you feel extremely uncomfortable doing so. There is a feeling deep within you that seems to say "ah, you should be kind to yourself." ]

[ tree, bb, you're real cute,
but also DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM. ]

[ she shudders at the feeling of discomfort that comes from merely bending the branch, but manages to shake it off, because that's just everyday d.va[tm]. ]

I don't like you. [ is she talking to the tree? herself? she raises her heart weapon and tries to use it instead. ]

[ there are only good ideas in this house. ]

[ It does, in fact.

It knows precisely who you are, and you have a feeling of: why? who don't you like yourself?

And when you strike your heart weapon through the tree, it hurts, as if you just struck yourself straight through the heart. ]

[ so she hadn't been a garden fan a moment ago and now she's even less of a garden fan. she has flashbacks to being made into a tree back during the house... and then finding her corpse at the base of a tree in wednesday's ideal world... and now... AND NOW THIS FUCKEN TREE IS HER! ]

[ she can't fucken deal.
she legit can't. ]

G- Get out! You're not me!
I'm me! And there's only one! And it's not you!
It's me!

[ she doubles over in pain as she strikes the tree, because of it's stupid ability to FUCK HER with it's magical bs, but she's not going to stop... she's going to try to chop. it. down. ]

I'm Song Hana! and you're just some stupid tree in a place that thinks I should throw myself into a god forsaken VOID! You don't represent me! A- And... GET OUT OF MY FUCKEN HEAD!

[ Your heart hurts even more so—no, it's not the pain of being stabbed, but an emotional pain—the feeling of feeling rejected.

Why do you seek the void? Even outside of this place...

You are always so ready. You cannot face yourself, but rather, oblivion—

And as you cut through the tree, hacking away at it with your heart weapon, it feels like you are cutting away pieces of yourself.

Perhaps you are. ]

[ she doesn't chop it down. she stops... and lets her heart weapon go as she just bonks her head on the poor tree. ] Because I'm still upset about what happened at home and I'm lost. My goal is just... nonexistent at this point. [ she sighs and drops to her knees. ]

Are you, like, really God or something? Or an Angel?
If this is the real Heaven, then... give me a sign...

Please.

Don't you understand? I am nothing so mighty as a God, nor nothing so perfect as an Angel. Nor am I something as irredeemable as a demon.

I am just a mortal girl, who wants to be loved.

[ ok, wow, fuck you, me. ]

[ she puts her heart weapon away and pats the tree. ]

I'm sorry. [ can she buddy system with the tree? who is also her, apparently? ]

[ You can buddy system with the tree, theoretically, but—

Isn't that basically already a thing that's happening? ]

I'm sorry, too. I just want to be able to feel, but...

[ shhhh. shhhh. shhhh.
only tree hugging now. ]

[ hugs the tree,
and therefore... hugs herself. ]

[ or something. ]

I hope you continue to grow here and that you find somebody that will take care of you. [ pat pat pat. ] Because we both know we can't do it on our own. [ gives the tree a lopsided smile and then turns away from it. ]

[ is there anything else here or can she just leave the garden? ]

Well.

You have me, right?

[ But turning away from the tree, the only place to go seems to be toward the endless horizon, or back to the flower garden, where there stands the bright white gate, open. ]

[ she chuckles and heads to the flower garden. she's going to see if she can't find the same flowers that sprout from her skull ( the mugunghwa ) and pick one... because she hasn't done enough damage to herself. CLEARLY. ]

Edited 2020-12-20 19:51 (UTC)

[ Looking for a specific flower is hard, in this garden of every flower, each realer than real in some way—

roll 1d20; if you roll a 20, you can find it. ]

[ 10. ]

[ looks like that's a nope. ]

[ are there any flowers that call out to her? ]

[ There are plenty that call out to her; even though she doesn't know the names, meanings appear in her head, somehow. Adventure and despair and longing and racing video games and Doritos. ]

[ that doritos flower seems sus. ]

[ she'll head over to the one that's calling out with longing and kneel down before it. ]

[ Its petals open, delicate and light pink; the fragrance fills your head, in a perfectly crisp scent. It's vibrant and beautiful, and in a way, it feels like a part of you—almost like the tree did. ]

[ she's going to dig around it and see if she can't, like, uproot the entire thing without murdering it, since she expects that to hurt. she learned her lesson! maybe... ]

[ she still sort of wants to take it with her though, so let's see how far its rooted and if she can take the clod of dirt its roots have claimed as its own, so she can bring it home. ]

[ In a way, trying to pull up the flower—a single flower on a single plant—feels like it's tugging at your heart. Like something that's taken root there. You could uproot it—but isn't it already a part of you?

Where do you think you are, D.Va Meka of Heart Soldier Senshi? ]

... [ alright. she's not going to force it. instead, she sets her hand on it and pats it. ] If you'd like to stay here, then fine. I'm not going to make you come with me. I guess it's really nice here, among all your friends. [ she reaches up to her head and braces herself and... rips out the flower... setting it next to the *other* flower. she's bleeding, because OFC, but it's fine. ]

How about a new friend then?

[ she cracks a small smile and gets up, heading back to the gates. ]

[ You gently plant the hibiscus next to it in the ground; maybe it might somehow take root here. Who knows?

But it feels peaceful here. Which is, somehow, a strange feeling for you, isn't it?

As you pass through the gate, it's as though a heaviness lifts from your chest—some terrible weight that you hadn't realized you'd been carrying. It had felt like terrible anguish, but now you can hardly remember it—it's as though it was a dream.

You find yourself in front of a fountain, with no way to cross back to where you were before. This time, of course, there's more idols and yelling. ]

Edited 2020-12-20 20:13 (UTC)

[ :) ]

[ she did good. ]

[ time to check out wtf all that screaming is about. ]

[ fountain ho. ]

??? Explora Session 3: 9AM PST/11AM CST/Noon EST Start

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