Sashay is a whirlwind-- a true force of nature. I couldn’t help but be pulled in from the first moment I met them. I wasn’t sure how to take some of the things they said at first, but I think in truth they’re very earnest and honest.
Even though they seem to want to be loved, to tell them that you do, they’re surprised and think that’s foolish. But I suppose coming from someone who was just as surprised when they said they were interested in me, I can’t judge them too harshly for not seeing what I see in them. But I don’t think I’m wrong, and I don’t think it’s foolish.
Sashay is Sashay. “Beast” or whatever, that doesn’t matter to me.
“I do have to kill you some day. Even if I save you for last.” That’s what they told me. Even so-- the way they spoke about it, I knew those words were heavy for them.
I feel like there’s a great deal about them I don’t know, or don’t understand properly. However, as much as I want to know more about them because I care for them, I don’t really think that something like that is necessary in order to love someone. I know the kind of person that they are and that’s enough for me. I just hope that I can help support them in some way, so that they don’t have to continue carrying the weight of a sad past or an even bleaker future alone.
Phoenix… or, as I know him, Rean Schwarzer. There are a lot of feelings here-- maybe more than I have for any other person.
He was my first love. I’m sure of that.
When we first met, he was one year my underclassmen. Because I was the Student Council President, I was helping out with orientation, so I checked everyone in as they arrived. That was the first time I met him. From there, it became clear that he spent a lot of his extra time helping the Student Council-- helping me-- with our work load.
Before I left to come to Crossbell for the Trade Conference, I was nervous as could possibly be. I didn’t know what I could possibly do as a student to help at such a large, important event. Rean was the one who helped me gather the books I needed for my preparations and he gave me the confidence boost I needed. Of course, he was speaking as just another student but-- hearing it from him meant so much to me.
I knew then that I had it pretty bad.
Of course, I never came back from Crossbell. I nearly died and lost my memories. Even now it’s hazy how much time passed between then and when we finally met again. But as soon as I remembered, he was the first person I looked for. I had missed so much… and left him to face so many things on his own. I felt so guilty.
But when I saw him again I was just… so happy.
He told me it would all be fine. That I’d come back and--
I had to tell him that I wasn’t. And that was the most painful thing I ever forced myself to do. I wanted to tell him. That I loved him. That I’d come back. But… it didn’t feel fair to say that after admitting we’d be apart for who knows how much longer.
Even now, I can’t bring myself to tell him.
But every time we’re together he says something that makes my heart race or makes me feel like I’m just going to explode. I’m hopeless. I want to tell him, but I don’t want him to feel pressured to return those feelings. He’s been through so much without me. I don’t expect him to feel the same way. But… I would like him to know. Someday.
To say that I’m entirely happy to see him here wouldn’t be true at all. I haven’t forgotten his connections to Chancellor Osborne or Crossbell City.
But I also know that it’s not fair for me to judge him entirely on that information. I don’t know his circumstances or how things came to be… or even where they will end. There’s a lot I don’t know. And I know that it’s hard for me to look at that without some form of bias, as much as I want to be impartial.
I have not forgotten that it was thanks to him that we learned just what it was that Crow was hiding from Rean and I-- how we were able to help him. So for that, at the very least, I owe him a great deal.
So I am going to watch him. I can’t let my guard down just yet-- but I will give him a chance to show me what it is he intends to do. I hope that my fears are wrong and that he can be trusted. I want to trust him. But I don’t want my naivety to cause more people to get hurt either.
Not when the ones most likely to get hurt are the ones I love the most.
The Special Support Section… I don’t think I can properly put into words just how grateful I am to them for all they’ve done for me since the incident at Orchis Tower. They gave me a way forward when everything seemed dark and I was lost.
And even when I faltered, they still treated me as a part of their important family.
That’s why… I can’t help but feel guilty for feeling as conflicted as I do. After everything they’ve done for me, to say that I don’t know where I belong… that’s incredibly unfair of me. I owe them more than I can possibly repay.
I didn’t know that Lance-- that Randy-- was someone I’d known before, when I first met him. He was just this really sweet, really kind person who helped me up when I tripped and made me dinner… Even before I realized it, he was someone incredibly charming that I wanted to get to know better. He brought me flowers and lunch and--
If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought he was flirting with me even then. Well-- I won’t say it’s impossible, but…
Well. I guess I just can’t wrap my head around why. I feel like every time we’ve been together I’ve been an embarrassing mess.
I didn’t remember that I knew Randy until after he left again. I was kind of crushed. I missed him a lot. I wanted to try and write but-- I didn’t know what to say. Especially if he didn’t remember me. I didn’t know if it was really fair of me to admit that. Or if he’d even remember the same things.
But before I had much time to think about it, he came back and-- he remembered. I won’t deny that I was really happy to hear him say my name. Just having him back means a lot to me. I don’t want to waste the time I have with him. Not… that I haven’t continued to embarrass myself.
Because of that-- I don’t know if he really knows how important he is to me. But I want to say it properly someday. He’s just as important to me as the other people I love.
[ There are a few honorable mentions for ZRAEL-- ]
Doodleman-- He gave me a star once and told me he'd kill me, but I never got the sense that it was personal. He's always been open to talking to me, even though our units haven't always had the best of relations. I apologized to him once and he really didn't seem bothered by the choices our unit made, even though they suffered because of them. I would like to get to know him better. For some reason, he reminds me a little of Sashay.
Glory-- No one was really pleased with us during the Princess Maker game, but she seemed frustrated. She doesn't seem to have taken it personal, although I know we caused them unnecessary trouble. She was the one who taught me about Christmas. She seems like an earnest young woman. And I think it would be nice to learn more from her. She seems like she knows a lot about baking.
Sabre-- Although she was the one who told ZRAEL to condemn our unit during the sins game, I don't particularly hold it against her. I had an emotional bond with her for a while during another game and-- I think she's a really relatable person. I hope we can be friends someday. And I'm glad that things ended on the note they did. I think Wednesday and Hiryuu made her feel better.
Wataru-- Although he's already graduated, I got to speak with Wataru a few times and I'll really miss his presence around here. He was always a bit odd... but there was always something very sweet and endearing about his theatrics. It was nice seeing him come back to run a fun game. I hope he's doing well.
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Sashay is a whirlwind-- a true force of nature. I couldn’t help but be pulled in from the first moment I met them. I wasn’t sure how to take some of the things they said at first, but I think in truth they’re very earnest and honest.
Even though they seem to want to be loved, to tell them that you do, they’re surprised and think that’s foolish. But I suppose coming from someone who was just as surprised when they said they were interested in me, I can’t judge them too harshly for not seeing what I see in them. But I don’t think I’m wrong, and I don’t think it’s foolish.
Sashay is Sashay. “Beast” or whatever, that doesn’t matter to me.
“I do have to kill you some day. Even if I save you for last.” That’s what they told me. Even so-- the way they spoke about it, I knew those words were heavy for them.
I feel like there’s a great deal about them I don’t know, or don’t understand properly. However, as much as I want to know more about them because I care for them, I don’t really think that something like that is necessary in order to love someone. I know the kind of person that they are and that’s enough for me. I just hope that I can help support them in some way, so that they don’t have to continue carrying the weight of a sad past or an even bleaker future alone.
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Phoenix... ]
Phoenix… or, as I know him, Rean Schwarzer. There are a lot of feelings here-- maybe more than I have for any other person.
He was my first love. I’m sure of that.
When we first met, he was one year my underclassmen. Because I was the Student Council President, I was helping out with orientation, so I checked everyone in as they arrived. That was the first time I met him. From there, it became clear that he spent a lot of his extra time helping the Student Council-- helping me-- with our work load.
Before I left to come to Crossbell for the Trade Conference, I was nervous as could possibly be. I didn’t know what I could possibly do as a student to help at such a large, important event. Rean was the one who helped me gather the books I needed for my preparations and he gave me the confidence boost I needed. Of course, he was speaking as just another student but-- hearing it from him meant so much to me.
I knew then that I had it pretty bad.
Of course, I never came back from Crossbell. I nearly died and lost my memories. Even now it’s hazy how much time passed between then and when we finally met again. But as soon as I remembered, he was the first person I looked for. I had missed so much… and left him to face so many things on his own. I felt so guilty.
But when I saw him again I was just… so happy.
He told me it would all be fine. That I’d come back and--
I had to tell him that I wasn’t. And that was the most painful thing I ever forced myself to do. I wanted to tell him. That I loved him. That I’d come back. But… it didn’t feel fair to say that after admitting we’d be apart for who knows how much longer.
Even now, I can’t bring myself to tell him.
But every time we’re together he says something that makes my heart race or makes me feel like I’m just going to explode. I’m hopeless. I want to tell him, but I don’t want him to feel pressured to return those feelings. He’s been through so much without me. I don’t expect him to feel the same way. But… I would like him to know. Someday.
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[putting taisho back, though. ZRAEL! Rufus feelios, please.]
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Rufus Albarea… Ophania…
To say that I’m entirely happy to see him here wouldn’t be true at all. I haven’t forgotten his connections to Chancellor Osborne or Crossbell City.
But I also know that it’s not fair for me to judge him entirely on that information. I don’t know his circumstances or how things came to be… or even where they will end. There’s a lot I don’t know. And I know that it’s hard for me to look at that without some form of bias, as much as I want to be impartial.
I have not forgotten that it was thanks to him that we learned just what it was that Crow was hiding from Rean and I-- how we were able to help him. So for that, at the very least, I owe him a great deal.
So I am going to watch him. I can’t let my guard down just yet-- but I will give him a chance to show me what it is he intends to do. I hope that my fears are wrong and that he can be trusted. I want to trust him. But I don’t want my naivety to cause more people to get hurt either.
Not when the ones most likely to get hurt are the ones I love the most.
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checks
himself 'x']
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The Special Support Section… I don’t think I can properly put into words just how grateful I am to them for all they’ve done for me since the incident at Orchis Tower. They gave me a way forward when everything seemed dark and I was lost.
And even when I faltered, they still treated me as a part of their important family.
That’s why… I can’t help but feel guilty for feeling as conflicted as I do. After everything they’ve done for me, to say that I don’t know where I belong… that’s incredibly unfair of me. I owe them more than I can possibly repay.
I didn’t know that Lance-- that Randy-- was someone I’d known before, when I first met him. He was just this really sweet, really kind person who helped me up when I tripped and made me dinner… Even before I realized it, he was someone incredibly charming that I wanted to get to know better. He brought me flowers and lunch and--
If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought he was flirting with me even then. Well-- I won’t say it’s impossible, but…
Well. I guess I just can’t wrap my head around why. I feel like every time we’ve been together I’ve been an embarrassing mess.
I didn’t remember that I knew Randy until after he left again. I was kind of crushed. I missed him a lot. I wanted to try and write but-- I didn’t know what to say. Especially if he didn’t remember me. I didn’t know if it was really fair of me to admit that. Or if he’d even remember the same things.
But before I had much time to think about it, he came back and-- he remembered. I won’t deny that I was really happy to hear him say my name. Just having him back means a lot to me. I don’t want to waste the time I have with him. Not… that I haven’t continued to embarrass myself.
Because of that-- I don’t know if he really knows how important he is to me. But I want to say it properly someday. He’s just as important to me as the other people I love.
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sit on this here library floor for a few
...anyone else of note on zrael?]
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Doodleman-- He gave me a star once and told me he'd kill me, but I never got the sense that it was personal. He's always been open to talking to me, even though our units haven't always had the best of relations. I apologized to him once and he really didn't seem bothered by the choices our unit made, even though they suffered because of them. I would like to get to know him better. For some reason, he reminds me a little of Sashay.
Glory-- No one was really pleased with us during the Princess Maker game, but she seemed frustrated. She doesn't seem to have taken it personal, although I know we caused them unnecessary trouble. She was the one who taught me about Christmas. She seems like an earnest young woman. And I think it would be nice to learn more from her. She seems like she knows a lot about baking.
Sabre-- Although she was the one who told ZRAEL to condemn our unit during the sins game, I don't particularly hold it against her. I had an emotional bond with her for a while during another game and-- I think she's a really relatable person. I hope we can be friends someday. And I'm glad that things ended on the note they did. I think Wednesday and Hiryuu made her feel better.
Wataru-- Although he's already graduated, I got to speak with Wataru a few times and I'll really miss his presence around here. He was always a bit odd... but there was always something very sweet and endearing about his theatrics. It was nice seeing him come back to run a fun game. I hope he's doing well.
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carefully putting the zrael book back where it goes!
and leaving the library.]
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Back to the Government District with you! ]