idolpro | 531 Monstrosity & Morality: Dividing Lines of the Self and Other, Section 4

"Um... I guess... it's something that feels really substantial, and I don't get hungry for a long time when I eat some that's really good... I guess, also, I'm used to it, because the person who used to feed me had a lot of it."

[ a tiny nod, ]

Then, um ...

... When you're able to have it, do you know what happens to that person...?

"Well... if I take a lot of their feelings, they get really tired. And if I take all of them, then they sort of go..."

She makes a kind of crumbling motion with her hands. "I've never done that before, though. I wonder what it'd be like, to see that happen."

She doesn't really seem disturbed by the notion.

Oh, but - that isn't a very good idea, is it?

"...why not?"

Well -

Even if it sounds like something that would be interesting to do, you won't be able to eat from that person after that, will you...?

"Yeah... I guess that's true. I don't really care which person, though, except Iris keeps feeding me, so that's helpful. She wants me to be more like a person, though."

[ hm

gestures for her to come a little closer ]

What do you mean...?

She takes like, a half-step closer.

"Like... to care about people's feelings, and to do... things that kids do, like play games and cry and stuff. She wanted me to do that even before I was uplifted, when she was trying to get me to hunt more like she does and not kill people."

Those sorts of things can be really hard, can't they?

Is it okay for me to ask you to come over here...?

"Everyone talks about it like it's really easy, though." She shrugs, and trots over. "What do you want?"

[ reaches with a hand to try and pat her head. ]

"...why are you doing that?"

Oh - if it's something that you don't like, then I'll stop, okay? ... But, I was thinking about how cute you are and how hard you must have been trying, and I thought that I wanted to pat your head...

"Um, it's fine, but..." She considers. "Is that nice? Is it nice to pat people on the head? I don't get it."

- Oh!

Mm, it's nice, isn't it? I think - ... well, my husbands like to pat my head, and being able to pat theirs, or my younger sister's, or my boyfriend's - or anyone else's, too... I don't think that things like that are very bad, and it's something that they like too, I think . . .

Do you want to try it...?

"...can I? I don't get it, but maybe I could understand it. I don't feel things, but I could learn it, maybe."

[ lets go of her to kneel a bit, dipping her head to put it in patting range ]

There...

Very focused, very serious—she reaches out a hand and. Pat. Pat. Pat.

"What... am I supposed to feel?"

[ it's very silky and fluffy and soft. ]

What...? Well -

Um, first ... why don't you think about the way that it feels in your hand? There's the texture of my hair, but the warmth of my head too, isn't there?

"Ah—that's true. It's... soft, and you're warm, because you're alive." There's not actually any warmth from her own small hand. "...it's like a really nice doll's hair."

Mm. Because my body is like this, blood flows into my brain and ends up making it warm, and the heat rises through my skull, skin, and hair so that it's able to be felt by your hand, right? And there's the texture of my hair, too - ... those are the sorts of things that can be felt when patting someone's head, but everyone's bodies are all really different too, aren't they?

"...are everyone's bodies really different? I never learned any of that stuff or how it works... just how to eat. But I guess... my hair isn't as soft as yours."

Her expression softens a little bit, though; there's a slight curious look to the bend of her mouth.

For these sorts of bodies, there's - ... the color and texture of someone's hair, and its length and scent, and thickness - and there's the shape and size of the head too, isn't there? Noticing it is... it isn't something that would be noticed all of the time, I think, because a lot of people have hair, but the way that those sorts of things would feel would be different too, wouldn't it? Because they're different, and because their hair can be different, too, can't it ... ?

Your hair is different from mine, and "Iris" and "Grace" are different from you too, aren't they?

"Mm... Iris is a little like me, and people say we look a lot alike, but her hair's darker than mine, and Grace has short hair. I don't get to touch it, though. Just Iris's, since she let me practice braiding..."

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