sensitIV - SATURDAY NOON PST

[idolpro]

[ The bar is unit-colored with light unit paraphernalia, although it's all just for show. Fortunately, comfort isn't part of the unit aesthetic this time—all seats are cushioned, whether the booth seats or the bar stools, comfy and lush. Idols can sit anywhere they like, it seems.

There's alcohol available, but everything else is locked behind the wall-cabinet. . . the recipe book is also available to peruse at one's leisure.

Ah—the door opens, and a fuzzy sort of shade steps in. It looks like idols will be serving the Damned, today. . . ? ]

RECIPE BOOK

Comments

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[proceedwithcautus]

[ WHY ARE WE ALL ALIKE

you're also getting a tiny handholding. ]

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[bondsofsuffering]

[Seems the slightly manic laughter has worn off. He doesn't reach for her hand, but he won't resist the hand holding either.]

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[proceedwithcautus]

[ paffe ]

Mm... I hope this is okay.

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[bondsofsuffering]

...People here have pretty weird reactions, don't they?

Comforting someone who killed.

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[proceedwithcautus]

...I think most of us are murderers, Izanagi.

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[bondsofsuffering]

Intent makes a difference, doesn't it?

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[proceedwithcautus]

I think... it does, but even so—

When one makes a resolution to do whatever it takes to survive, or to achieve some kind of end, and causes a death because of that, rather than specifically intending to end a life... that's also stepping forward with intent.

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[bondsofsuffering]

And if the intent was to cause despair in many others, too?

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[proceedwithcautus]

You're saying that makes it different, somehow...?

I don't know. After all, no matter how you feel about it, or the intent—the person you killed is still dead. Does that mean you regret it?

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[bondsofsuffering]

...Maybe a little. But at the time, I was spiteful - enough to try to drag everyone down into hell with me to get what I wanted.

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[proceedwithcautus]

To curse the world, and everything that created your situation?

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[bondsofsuffering]

No. To curse the people I was so jealous of, for having others to lean on when I didn't, when we were all doomed anyway.

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[proceedwithcautus]

...mm.

I think... that's a pretty common feeling.

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[bondsofsuffering]

...

You think so?

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[proceedwithcautus]

Mm. I think... even if it's not a kind thing, it's a pretty human thing, when you're pushed into a corner.

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[bondsofsuffering]

...It's not like I was being held at gunpoint. I made the choice to go there that day and do what I did.

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[proceedwithcautus]

You did. It was your own choice, and you have to live with that, now, even if your circumstances influenced that choice.

But, to think it's uniquely unforgivable... I don't think that's true. I think... someone said to me once, that no one can ever really judge anyone else. I don't know what the right punishment is, if there's anything. For those things we can't take back—all we can do is decide whether that changes how we take our next step forward.

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[bondsofsuffering]

[He opens his mouth like he's about to say something - thinks better of it, and simply closes it again.]

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[proceedwithcautus]

...it bothers you, that I don't think worse of you.

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[bondsofsuffering]

...If it could be accepted so easily, then what reason would there be to make me die alone for it?

That was my punishment, and mine alone.

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[proceedwithcautus]

Maybe many others can't accept it. But, Izanagi—

To be the bearer for the sins of many, to be fated to die before one's time, to be hated and persecuted, to despair—and to hate in turn, because of all of those things. For the sake of myself, and for the sake of my own people, I have to be able to accept those things.

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[bondsofsuffering]

[...

He just falls silent, averting his gaze.]

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[proceedwithcautus]

...sorry. I know I get really serious.

I don't know if I can say that I'm a good person, because on the battlefield, there's no real "good" or "evil," but—you remind me of many of the people I care most about.

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[bondsofsuffering]

-? People you know?

Re: DISCUSSION/MINGLE

[proceedwithcautus]

Well—

...of all the people I work with, a lot of them are really sick. A lot of the time, it's because the world didn't value them—treating them as expendable, and then treating them like monsters because of their illness.

It's easy to become very bitter when people more powerful than you play with your life and then throw you away... to think that the only way to engage with the world is the way it's treated you—to return hurt for hurt, betrayal for betrayal.