idolpro | POISON: ✩ZRAEL

POISON: ✩ZRAEL

[ The room is plain, white walls and white ceiling, except for the steel-panel flooring. There are three metal stands rising out of openings in the floor, each of which carries a glass vial on top. One of them just holds water. Of the remaining two, one contains a dark red, opaque liquid with a creamy consistency; the next is a relaxing blue, with small brightly glittering star-like orbs drifting through it.

Both have fancy but identical cast iron stoppers moulded in the shape of a shark plugging them shut. The only difference is that the red vial's shark is painted white, and the blue vial's shark is painted black. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There's all kinds of harm. You and Reed don't think you're a priority to me and I couldn't blame you for it. I didn't make you one.

... I can see how you might think that's what I feel, but it's not really. At least, that's not what I was trying to imply.

[ how to word this.... ]

You feel your emotions very, very deeply. Probably because of all the trauma you've been through. And I think that sometimes that makes it hard for you to think about the broader picture because your heart is overwhelmed with one specific concern. But it doesn't mean you don't care about everything else, or that you won't regret it later if you neglect those other things. It just means you have a harder time seeing the forest for the trees, is all.

[ There's a lot to unpack there, but first... ]

What do you mean "all the trauma I've been through"? Everyone here goes through the same thing.

[ Oh honey. ]

This place is one thing, and it's horrible enough. But you've said yourself a few times that almost all of the memories you have from before here are very bad--filled with things and people that hurt you, things you've been made to do that you don't like yourself for. If that doesn't count as trauma, then I'm not sure what does.

Getting killed by a rampaging vampire along with the rest of your entire town while you're fleeing with your infant child, that's probably worse. I'm not sure how in control I was at the moment is really the point.

[ Not how she intended to share this information, but there it is. She doesn't deserve the slightest pass for what went down, even if it does occasionally make her sad. ]

I'm sure it was terrifying. But that person is dead, and their trauma is over. You have to live with the knowledge that you did something like that and the fear that if you lose control it could happen again. That's traumatizing, too.

[ Aliza opens her mouth and -- exhales. Very slowly. ]

Can we talk about this another time? I'm irrational when discussing my past at the best of times, and this is a far cry from my best.

[ Proving her point. ]

That's fine if that's what you want. I was only explaining myself since you asked.

[ She never thought Lumine was wrong. And at least she saw the forest just fine that time! Or she'd be stomping off to the other side of the room in a huff. ]

I know I did. I'm trying to get better about this stuff, for whatever it's worth. I don't want to spend the little time I have left feeling like this.

Hey, it's going to be okay. Like you said--worst case scenario, we'll just get you revived after the game.

And for what it's worth--I don't want you to be miserable, either. So we can talk about whatever you'd prefer to. Or we can not talk at all if that's better. Up to you.

Thanks. I do want to talk to you about all this. It's just that you're the first unit mate I've been sort of close to, I've had people say they're afraid of me after I tell them everything. No matter how fair that reaction is, it hurts.

But you deserve to know. It's not fair of me to hide it.

Technically, it's your life story--you deserve to have the be-all-end-all say in who gets to know about it, teammate or friend or not. But if you trust me enough to tell me, then I consider it an honor.

[ When people are kind and understanding about this, it makes Aliza want to crawl into a hole and never come out. She doesn't deserve any of it. She can't help but wonder if Lumine is going to be one of those people who tries to talk her out of hating herself, which never goes well. ]

Later, then. Maybe once we get out of here.

[ Who knows. It could go a lot of different ways. ]

No problem. Let's just worry about getting out of this in one piece for now.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

POISON: ✩ZRAEL

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