Bomb Game: AlcheME! edition

[ you open your eyes to find yourself in a room that might look familiar if you just so happened to be a certified zombie survivalist. however, if you were lucky enough to avoid the zombie meet & greet, then welcome to the dankest heckhole in tokyo-f. ]
[ the overhead lights flicker often enough to instantly grind your gears, while simultaneously doing next to nothing to illuminate the dilapidated little room. though a chorus of moans and groans rise from outside, all the doors and windows are securely barricaded, making the shambling monsters a non-issue... though it's possible their existence alone may put you on edge. ]
[ or maybe that's the -fsssst- sound, a subtle hissing coming from what could have passed for fire sprinklers. for the duration of the game a colorless and odorless gas is going to be filling the room, one that clouds judgements and exacerbates anxiety. but, hey!, that's what the janky table and busted chairs in the corner of the room featuring cold tea and dry biscuits is for - a carefully curated space for you and yours to kick back, relax, and KEEP TALKING. ]
[ the center of the room is where the main event sits, a BOMB, with several thick cords snaking out from it connecting to a bunch of different buttons. the entire thing is housed in an unbreakable glass cube, with only the buttons in reach of your grubby hands. a tv screen is suspended overhead, currently displaying the rules & winning conditions, but that's all about to change... ]
[ in the meantime feel free to enjoy a particularly messy wall, one stained with all sorts of things from the last bunch that tried


Round 1
Puzzle 1
Turn In
no subject
Results
SAFE
And wait.
....And wait.
Hmmmmm. Well, they say that no news is good news, and you don't feel any different. And is it just a trick of the light, or does the countdown on the bomb seem to be slowing down.
Congratulations. It looks like you cut the correct wire. ]
Re: SAFE
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I'm guessing that smaller text is some kinda code. If we decode it, we get the instructions.
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Round 2
Puzzle 2
Turn In
Re: Turn In
[ 4 ]
Results
Detonate cw: melting; piercing injury
WARNING! WARNING! DETONATION IMMINENT. Countdown started at 60 seconds...
Well @*#!
No matter what you try to do (break the glass or mash any other buttons), those red blinking numbers slowly count down to your inevitable fate. 5... 4... 3... 2...
The whole room is bathed in a blinding light as your nervous system cannot tell which to focus on: the searing heat that is causing you to sizzle from the outside in or the chunks of sharpened glass and shrapnel that cuts into you on all sides. Somehow you do not die immediately as your broken body hits the floor, but are forced to slowly fade into unconsciousness staring at the other crumpled forms of those that were trapped in this room with you. ]
Please choose 1-2 of the following status effects:
💣 Believe that an Important Life Event Happened Differently (i.e. villain who lost think he won, never did x important thing)
💣 Constant Pins & Needles Feeling ( Varied Severity )
💣 Deep Feelings Projected via Hell Siri / Hoogle Assistant
💣 Pain / Pleasure Swapped
💣 Paranoia about Explosions ( Anything / Everything Could Explode at Any Minute )
💣 (Triggered) Violence Compulsion
If you prefer, you can also mix and match 1-2 from the major/minor status effect category instead, but you must choose at least 1 from the previous set:
🎊 Amnesia
🎊 Desire to Change Something About Yourself (aka Midlife Crisis)
🎊 Extreme Body Temperature Fluctuations ( Hot & Cold )
🎊 Forced Honesty ( you can lie but it's hard, and there's a physical ailment each time you do )
🎊 Heightened Emotions ( Prone to Anger / Affection )
🎊 Morality Flip
🎊 Powers Go Haywire
🎊 Temporary New Phobia
🎉 Extreme Gullibility
🎉 Hanahaki
🎉 Hallucinations
🎉 Kleptomania compulsion
🎉 Lose A Sense
🎉 Must Vocalize All Thoughts
🎉 Speech is Censored or Autocorrected
🎉 Super optimistic / Super pessimistic
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