In the meeting - he came to us in the first place because he can't have faith in any other unit. If that didn't pan out for WILD CITY, he was ready to kill himself, to . . . make his unit more palatable, in his view -
. . . He is a person in a pit of despair. I don't want to send him deeper.
..... C was so scared of being eaten by me that he killed himself, right in front of me. [ but you saw that. ]
Even Yasuragi..... once, in that house... he killed himself in front of me. I can't forget that. I can't forget the look on his face, and the way he laughed like he had won some kind of victory-- killing himself before I could.
[ so. it's not like he doesn't understand. but also. ]
You made me sign a contract to assuage his fears. How much farther am I supposed to bend for him before you're satisfied? Because I know I can't bend enough for him to ever "trust" me.
........ this decision is the entire team's decision.
[ as he watches Lucifel's reactions carefully, but without really making any verbal or physical indications of backing down. ]
The others have already made it clear they're making this decision "for the sake of sensitIV". I can't even argue against that, not really. It's selfish of me to do it, because all I really want is for Yasuragi not to have to suffer or be afraid anymore. And... I want to prove to him that I can protect him.
What you're telling me now is almost the same as that.... Except you're saying you've decided on your own that Haruto's fear-- that Haruto's suffering-- is the greatest among all of us, that he is the one who needs special treatment above everyone else.
You can say you're not asking me to bend, but in the end I don't really have any choice do I? The very least you could do is just admit you have feelings for him.
[ because that's what it sure looks like from here. ]
[ looking like he's pretty much going to take loki's words without any retort but then, abruptly: ]
My feelings for him?
[ with a scowl, ]
They have nothing to do with it. That man is cruel and malicious and hates me - and he's right to do so. Even so, his personality is one that I can't stand!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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fucking.
what.
why.
what. ]
Haruto.
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[ softly ]
In the meeting - he came to us in the first place because he can't have faith in any other unit. If that didn't pan out for WILD CITY, he was ready to kill himself, to . . . make his unit more palatable, in his view -
. . . He is a person in a pit of despair. I don't want to send him deeper.
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fucking what.
honestly this is so much to process all at once so he's going to jump straight to the part that bewilders him the most ]
Why would he ever have faith in us?
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I'm sure that Aries-san is the one who convinced him to do this in the first place. But . . .
. . . it's difficult to build up trust, to build up faith. It's easy to tear it all down.
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Why do you care to protect Haruto this much? Was the contract to protect him too...
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Even Yasuragi..... once, in that house... he killed himself in front of me. I can't forget that. I can't forget the look on his face, and the way he laughed like he had won some kind of victory-- killing himself before I could.
[ so. it's not like he doesn't understand. but also. ]
You made me sign a contract to assuage his fears. How much farther am I supposed to bend for him before you're satisfied? Because I know I can't bend enough for him to ever "trust" me.
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before carefully, he manages to eke it out through gritted teeth ]
. . . I. . . wasn't trying to convince you.
You - asked me for my reasons, so I -
[ with a turn of his head, now, as he moves a hand up to scratch at his neck with some agitation ]
I wasn't asking you to bend -
. . . but I know. I know I'm selfish. I know that I've already asked for too much from you.
[ with the rest of his words faint, like he hasn't taken a breath ]
. . . I have nothing else to say. My apologies.
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[ as he watches Lucifel's reactions carefully, but without really making any verbal or physical indications of backing down. ]
The others have already made it clear they're making this decision "for the sake of sensitIV". I can't even argue against that, not really. It's selfish of me to do it, because all I really want is for Yasuragi not to have to suffer or be afraid anymore. And... I want to prove to him that I can protect him.
What you're telling me now is almost the same as that.... Except you're saying you've decided on your own that Haruto's fear-- that Haruto's suffering-- is the greatest among all of us, that he is the one who needs special treatment above everyone else.
You can say you're not asking me to bend, but in the end I don't really have any choice do I? The very least you could do is just admit you have feelings for him.
[ because that's what it sure looks like from here. ]
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My feelings for him?
[ with a scowl, ]
They have nothing to do with it. That man is cruel and malicious and hates me - and he's right to do so. Even so, his personality is one that I can't stand!
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-- what? .. if you hate him that much, then why the hell would you prop him up like this!? He's not your responsibility, Lucifel!
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