idolpro | GM Game: avante en garde

GM Game: avante en garde

[ The door shuts behind you, leaving you in a copy of this room. Upon one of the fancy tables is your card for the round, along with slots for each unit for you to go slide in your choices.

You can come and go as you will, but once you have left the room, you cannot speak of anything that transpires within: not your choices, not your discussion, not your alliances.

Do your best, idol-tachi. ]

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It's really... it's really not like that. I'm sure he doesn't think that, we're all just... tense. Emotions running high.

That's what I deserve, though~

Just 'cause he's tense doesn't mean that's not how he really feels. You oughta be mad too - I knew you wouldn't like it, but I did it anyway, as usual.

That's-- just how I always am...

Don't—

Don't tell me to be mad, Griffin. You know I'm... I'm having problems.

[That suddenly makes him deflate. What is WRONG with him? She's struggling, and he's making her feel worse.

He doesn't want to push Shrike away, but the thought of her wasting her effort on him - only to be even more disappointed in the end - feels unbearable.]

I... I know.

Why can't I stop being like this...?

I—

...wait a moment. Griffin, when... when did you start feeling like this? Really particularly... doubting yourself, I suppose.

[He's been frustrated and sad for a while, but... did he doubt himself? He must have. What good has he ever been? It all blurs together into one big feel bad soup. As far as he can tell, he belongs there.]

I dunno...

Feels like I've been losing it ever since Harpy left.

Edited 2019-11-29 23:36 (UTC)

...mm. I know that feeling.

[ She reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder. ]

I didn't know you'd felt like this for so long. I wish—I wish I'd known.

Sorry.

[But the apology only uprooted another wave of self loathing, rising up his throat with a choking sound as-- as tears start welling up in his eyes.

No, no no no, you stupid, weak, useless asshole you CANNOT CRY. Griffin rushes to press his palms to his face, like maybe he can push the tears back in.]

I should've-- I can't-- FUCK!

Edited (ugh changed mind) 2019-11-30 01:57 (UTC)

...hey.

[ She gathers him into a hug, just like that first time. ]

I don't know... I don't know what's happening, but—you don't have to not feel it.

[nnnNO. NO CRYING. He's still solidly pressing against his eyes as he burrows miserably into Shrike's chest, but his breathing is scattered, uneven.]

I should've just stayed outta the Game after last round.

[Nothing visibly terrible happened that time though??]

It was—fine, honestly. You were perfectly fine.

I mean, I should probably be stepping back a bit more, just because...

...are you sure nothing happened to you? If it can make me angry, then...

...You're saying a card took any self worth I used t'think I had?

[There's a pause because, as possible as that was, it felt like too much of an easy way out to explain why he was so worthless!!!]

If a stupid card can make me an asshole, right?

I mean, either way, sometimes—it just happens, and... I don't really know what to do about it. It comes and it goes and it feels easier to not try. But—sometimes it does feel better, and—there's friends who for whatever reason care anyway, and then it's... not so bad.

[He's quiet for a moment, before his voice finds him again.]

You... feel like this... a lot?

...it's hard to say, since I don't have that ability Heart Soldier has, to know precisely what you're feeling, but.

Mm, most of the time, really. As long as I can remember.

I guess it's like what you said about being angry; you get used to it.

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GM Game: avante en garde

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