idolpro | Shrike's Heart (#3)

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!heart games

Shrike's Heart (#3)

The woman before you is beautiful—fair of features, with lovely golden skin and luxurious long black hair, petite. You have the immediate and distinct impression that she's just let go of your hand, and she steps back, and smiles.

It's not quite a happy smile.

"I'm sorry," she says. "There's just nothing I can do, as things are. But the way is there; it just needs to be lit."

You open your mouth—maybe to say something, or to express confusion—but you have to cough, and taste something metallic, spattering black blood onto the ground in front of you. Then you realize—blood seeps from opening wounds in your arms, your chest, your stomach, your face. It rims your eyes and trails from your nose and you feel like you're dissolving—

—and you fall through the ground like it's the surface of a lake, and go down, down, down.

> Wake Up

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[ she sort of... slows.

stands there, a little unsteady. ]

What if I sort of want me dead.

... Then let's talk about it. Lashing out only hurts everyone, including yourself.

[ she plants her sword in the ground, and uses it as a support to sit down on the ground, heavily. ]

Everyone keeps saying to me that I deserve to live and to be happy, and—I don’t, though. I’m so happy and I don’t deserve any of it.

How do you even come back from trying to annihilate yourself and the whole world around you?

[ Crouching down, calming himself down too. ]

Don't you do the opposite then? If you feel like you caused pain, then you try to help heal people. You work to make the people around you as happy as you are now.

Ending yourself only brings about an end. ... There's no guarantee that things will get better just because something bad ended. But if there's someone actively working to start that path, then things have a better chance of getting better... right?

I... guess. Everyone keeps saying I should try, and I want to, since if I’m here I might as well, it’s just—

When everyone’s happy, when I see the people around me smiling, I... I’ve killed so many people. Why should it be me here and not someone else? Why do people depend on me and not someone who’s—good?

But it's not that clear-cut. Good people can do bad actions, bad people can do good. And people change all the time.

... Since I've known you, I've known you as a good person who has done good things. I don't think you've been fake to me at any point of it.

Mm. I mean, I'm not really a very good liar, anyway. And I'm... glad, you think, I...

[ she props her face in her hand. ]

There's just—so much to make up for, it seems. Even if I've started over. Even if I don't want to be the person I was.

It's not supposed to be easy though. If it were, it wouldn't really feel right.

...I guess not.

Sorry. This is really a lot to put on you. I thought I was doing better, but...

It's okay. Sometimes we need help pulling through.

Maybe so.

[ she lets the sword go entirely, and props her elbows on her knees. ]

I didn't want to be trouble for anyone, since you've all had plenty, but I... might need more help. As it turns out.

[ the fog is starting to lift, a little bit; it's not daytime above, but an evening sky right at sunset. ]

[ Cautiously, but closing the gap between them. ]

There's people here willing to help, myself included, just like you've helped us.

[ she almost flinches back, but then leans forward toward him, more relaxed, even though she still can't quite bring herself to make eye contact. ]

Really?
I mean. I don't know that I've done anything out of the ordinary.

You haven't needed to. You being you, has been supportive for a lot of people.

I...

...it feels hard to believe, but—I'm glad. I'm really glad.

Mm... I'd be happy to remind you. And bully Griffin to remind you all the time too.

...

...I'll rely on you if you'll rely on me.

... Deal.

[ Offering a hand. ]

[ she takes it, and then pulls him forward into a hug.

and says, quietly, next to his ear: ]

"How can you trust me," he asked, "with such horror behind you?"
Love endures.

Once, there were...
...shadows in the window.
...footsteps at the gates of life.
...whispering at the door:
"Should I live or die? Am I living or dead?"
"To know the world is to choose it," says the Void.

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Shrike's Heart (#3)

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THE END