"There is... a place, down below, where his nightmares abide. Miss Glory is in fact the one acting as guardian there. I imagine that if there's anything to be done, it's in that place."
Then we shall simply have to see how much stamina I have after dealing with this.
[He reaches out to pat his face.]
You were kind to him when you didn't have to be. 'Tis unfortunate that it turned out as it did, but you both will heal with time. Now. Might I borrow this map and the path forward?
"Oh, I imagine Hythlodaeus would argue that there is no such thing as having to be kind. Kindness expressed out of anything other than care is merely a facade, though I shall admit I am quite good at those."
Is paffed! He smiles, gesturing at the map and then the library around them.
"Oh, certainly. You may take whatever else takes your fancy, too - this is a place of learning, as it were, after all!"
The shelves lining the walls hold many... well, they're not books - or rather, they're the Amaurot versions of books, crystals holding information. Most of them seem fairly empty, though, background decoration rather than something of substance... but some in the closer reach glow faintly. There are fourteen in total, twelve glowing with familiar colours and each decorated in different manner: oriental ornamentation on a bright red one, baroque decoration on black, geometric lines of neon cyan on a light grey crystal, darker red with art deco golden ornamentation... wow, sure wonder what these could be!
The other two crystals of note are one in Levity's position colour and the other the hue of Hythlodaeus's soul. Hmmm!
They glow brighter once he picks them up. The one in Levity's position colour is smoother to the touch, and within are... images, or perhaps echoes of memories. Opening his eyes in future is now's dorm for the first time. His meeting with Cardinal, which brought him to Baritones. Receiving his mask from Cosmo. Dancing with Angel. His first date with Lily, being playfully indignant about the fact that Earth is called Earth despite being mostly covered in water. Pacing around the room nervously during the space taxes game, Jason's grim suggestion of using bioweapons...
There is more to be seen, if Emet wishes.
For Hythlodaeus's crystal... It is not exactly anything Emet doesn't know yet - all the memories he's taken since arriving, but experienced from Hythlodaeus's perspective. And much more vague images, undefined and half-remembered, half-imagined: evenings in his lodgings in Amaurot, the halls of the Akadaemia, the contents of his studies...
[He does not wish to pry too much --- just the appropriate amount! --- so once he sees they are memories or echoes of them, he will tuck them away with the other shards he received. He knows being here in the Production will change him. And while it does leave a sour taste in his mouth, he does appreciate his own growth here.
But that doesn't mean he won't snoop further. He goes in order of the other crystals starting with the bright red one.]
The most pronounced one is Levity's uneasy relationship with Five - a tangled mess of confusion, desire to be friends again, bitterness, sadness, previous affection, stubbornness, puzzled hurt, frustration, anxiety, guilt, and a good dose of fear. Along with those feelings come Levity's thoughts, like several phrases overlapping at the same time yet each one clear and understandable.
I don't understand what it is he wants from me. It's not friendship, it's just a truce, isn't it. What does he even think I'm going to do to Hades? I can't talk to him. Anything I say will turn out to be wrong. Would he distrust anyone from Amaurot like this? Is that what he thinks of us? Why is it fine for him to dismiss my boundaries? Is it just because I try to understand instead of fighting back? Would he even care if I fought back? Was he only ever kind to me because of Hades? Were we ever friends? I'm tired. I'm tired. I don't want to think.
Next up is Vergil, and though there are some vague similarities, this one is a lot more positive. Affection, certain kind of protectiveness, remnants of his earlier attraction to Vergil - fainter now, things have gotten too complicated for that to be a focus anymore, - deep trust, feeling of safety - but a hint of hurt confusion as well.
I miss talking with him more. I wonder if I could ask him to teach me to play the violin? He and Cosmo are so sweet together. I'm glad they found each other. I wish I could do more. Wanting to know what your loved ones look like when they suffer, when they die... that was his dream, wasn't it? I wish he'd told me sooner he worried I might hurt Cosmo. He's a good friend. I wish he could be happier. I hope he will be, one day.
The other two "records" are Black and Sakura - but those impressions are much briefer. He's only met Sakura once and had a brief polite conversation with him - he seemed a good person, if quiet and shy. Black, meanwhile... it's a strange, half-formed memory, one that even Levity himself isn't sure is real - Black kneeling by Levity's corpse delicately, an organ in his hand that he brings to his mouth, takes a bite out of it, blood dribbling down his hands. That... that sure is a memory.
(emet voice) eh some people just do vore what can you do
Unfortunately it's not as though Levity can really answer Emet about their ways of building friendships, but perhaps that sentiment will be remembered. Or will it?
The black crystal, meanwhile, is obviously that of ZRAEL. Glory is the one Levity is closest with, and memories of her shine the brightest: affection, adoration, comfort and safety, confidence that she inspires in him, the feeling of being if not understood then accepted. The voice this time is Glory's own - things that she's said that left an impression on Levity, it seems.
If you say stuff like that, you're going to make me feel a little bad for threatening you. I'm not going to just accept it when their actions mean my unit ends up with severed arms or flowers growing out of their chest or trampled and coughing up blood and it's somehow different because we deserve it. When people are honest, at least you know where you stand, and nothing comes as a shock. You know that even if you missed signals you're allowed to turn people down, right? Oranges in general, yes, but you might get some complaints about bringing that specific one. More than just being pointless, if you don't get revived by pep and end up taken to Lilith, she gives you your worst nightmare as part of the price for coming back. Don't... do that. Murder doesn't need nice symbolism. People don't all want the same things. That's the root of a lot of problems. Hang on, I have references. Just don't do anything stupid like hang over the edge of a bridge. Lies don't mean much unless there's some truth in there for them to obscure. We're... pretty close friends at this point, right? Most people at least have a foundation. Things from their past they're attached to, or that have shaped them. Something to reference and build from. I don't have that. So what I'm building always feels... shakier. Like I'm building on sand or something. I don't know about you, but I'm a lot more likely to hate or distrust someone if I learn they've been hiding important things to me than if they just tell me the thing. Liking idiots is a problem sometimes. Probably they want to avoid talking honestly about stuff because then they'd have to confront their own feelings on things.
The memories themselves are also very affectionate, mostly the times when Glory would end up taking care of Levity or looking out for him: comforting and grounding him after his flashback to the events in Absinthe's heart, visiting him with ice cream and then checking to make sure he drinks some water and goes to sleep after getting drunk after the space taxes game, their friend-date at Ameyoko, Glory helping Levity deal with the realization he is dead in his world.
Other than Glory, there are brief memories of Aradia, Doodle, Sabre and Kyanite, but out of them all it's only Kyanite who Levity has a deeper connection with - if such it could be called. There is a lot of confusion on Levity's end, not really understanding what Kyanite wants not just from him but in general, surprise and a kind of worried awe at the fact Kyanite was created to be a god to save his own world, and Levity can't help drawing a parallel between that and Zodiark.
His creators did not think about how he could feel about his standing. They just needed a god to save them. Did we do the same to Zodiark? For a supposedly perfect being, he is very... human. I don't quite understand if he likes or hates me.
[He does hold it closely. Knowing that Levity can make connections such as this is soothing. He has no doubts his friends will find those to love and those to love him in return, gregarious as he is.]
[Because he's simply a snoop and going in order, time for the gray crystal. Hope you don't mind the detour, Hythlodeaus.]
That's what this section of the heart is for! All the snooping!
(There are crystals in every unit's colour by the way I just don't remember if I wrote each one out.)
The future is now crystal is... also full of affectionate memories. Levity really loves his unit; there's the feeling of comfort and support, protectiveness, adoration, wanting to make sure they are all happy.
Jason is - was - the most important person to Levity on the team. There's even more affection here, indignation at the things Jason had to go through during his life, stubborn desire to do nice things for him, camaraderie, just a hint of attraction, gratitude, a sense of shared responsibility for the rest of the unit, admiration, enjoyment of his dry sense of humour. And the lessons Levity learned from Jason - the way anger can help you get through the rough times, deep-seated knowledge that it's best to protect himself and his unit first and foremost during games. The importance of making decisions, and not running from the choices he makes. But, perhaps unfortunately for Emet, one of the strongest - and earliest - memories of Jason Levity has is a certain drinking session, full of anger and hurt and bitterness.
Sho has gone from a playful, somewhat flighty friend to someone Levity has come to rely on, a greatly welcome grounding influence to contrast Levity's own idealism - and another person who knows the merits of turning anger into desire to stand up for oneself.
If you've got friends to watch out for you, I'm relieved by that, but I also know they're your friends, not FiN's. Any kindness that's extended our way is in regard to you, not the rest of us. Levity! Levity, please- would you be able to sew her back to her body? I'd rather prepare knowing where an attack is coming from than try to appease someone who wants to act like a spoiled brat. I don't have much compassion for any team that whines about how they're hurting when it coulda just as easily been FiN in that position. I think your recognition of this change in you means you're not just gonna become a totally different, heartless person or anything like this.
Angel is kind, warm, and trying very hard - but always for the sake of others, not herself. There is sadness there, at the fact how little she thinks of herself, how ready she is to ignore her own pain and apologize for making others worry, even when she is so terribly hurt. There's hurt confusion, too, because Levity can't understand why Sunny hates her so much, but he's long since given up on trying to understand those two's relationship.
Intensity was someone Levity did not get to spend too much time with, but he admired him quite dearly, and worried about what might happen when it was time for Intensity to graduate. He'd been a cornerstone of the unit, but they managed to stay close just fine even after his departure. Levity feels quite remiss, though, not to have learned more from him - about Hell and Heaven, about his plans for this place and certainly about human technology and engineering; all that Levity has been learning has been from Intensity's leftover notes and projects.
Duality is quiet but kind, someone who's had to endure much more in his short life than a child should.
Arya is someone Levity also looks up to; there is much relief there at having found someone who also refuses to just accept and understand cruelty. She is a light of sorts, confident and kind, someone who reminds Levity of the kind of person he was - the kind of person he wants to be, to stay.
Frosty is newer, but once again someone who reminds Levity of himself, and someone he wants to protect - gentle, kind, shy. Would that he could keep Frosty out of the more violent games. There's a hint of endeared amusement at Frosty's crush on Sho, too - not that Levity can judge, of course, given his own penchant of falling for people very quickly, but it's still quite cute.
[He has little attachment to FiN outside of how they treat Levity not having got close to them himself. It all seems in order. Good job, Future is Now.
Though Sho seems a bit concerning as if he's definitely had a hard time, but filing that away for later.
On to the next one, the dark red, like the snoopy person he is!]
cracks knuckles hope you're ready to possibly die, Emet
There's a lot.
He misses Emet - terribly, all the more so after getting back the memories of their youth, remembering how happy and comfortable he felt with him. But now it feels like there is always a wall between them, one that neither of them knows how to breach, one that makes even the most well-intended words and actions awkward. It feels terrible, and Levity doesn't know what to do about it - all he can do is try to ignore it, tell himself that it's fine and he should just keep trying to reach out, that it will be fine in the end. But underneath that is a deep fear, one that Levity can't admit even to himself: that perhaps they will never be such close friends again. That perhaps something has broken, and in their attempts to fix it they only break it further. It's terrifying; he doesn't want that to happen. But he does not know what to do.
And there is a particular memory that Levity keeps clinging to - the warmth of it, of being welcomed and feeling welcome; desire and determination to catch up with both Alexander and Cosmo and take his place by their side again.
But maybe something went wrong. Maybe he is wrong, just a pale, awkward imitation of the real Hythlodaeus, like the things from Alexander's nightmares. Levity doubts himself, his own steps and choices; whenever he's with Alexander, he feels so anxious and awkward, all too aware of the fact that he could hurt Alexander somehow, and likely never know it. Watching his own movements, thoughts, actions, all the time, in vain hope that he's doing things right - or at the very least, things that won't hurt Alexander too much. But the others doubt him, too, Five in particular doubts him brutally, and Levity feels as though he's being directed towards hurting Alexander no matter what; like being caught in a current, where struggling is useless and only makes it worse.
But amidst the fear and confusion there are other things, too - particularly a resolution, should he ever be witness to Alexander arguing with or misunderstanding someone else, to try and help them make up: reach out, talk to both, make them understand one another. Close to what he would have wanted for Alexander to do for him and Absinthe, but he's come to understand that perhaps that is not something Alexander can do anymore, or ever did in the first place.
There is frustration, too, but as of yet something Levity has not had the chance to understand or vocalize yet. But there is a feeling that he's being coddled by the Ascians; that they never would tell him if he was doing something wrong in their eyes, and that they would simply accept him as an enemy or someone who does not care for them, should his actions ever go too far. He wants to be told if he's ever doing something wrong, to be corrected. He does not know how else he is meant to grow: the other two always seem determined to leave him to his own devices, fearing influencing him, but he feels all the more uncertain for that. It's the mortals of this place that he has to learn from now, but the more Levity adopts the mortal ways of thinking, the further he feels from Amaurot, the more he fears being unable to return home.
And for the last, curious and unregarded even by Levity himself, there's a tinge of some kind of jealousy towards Five, though it's very hard to tell which kind. Not even Levity knows, and he's mostly unaware of the feeling, but he does envy Five and Alexander their closeness.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
I would expect not. And what can be done to help heal them? Or would his soul even want tampering in such a way?
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
He looks aside, a little awkwardly.
"There is... a place, down below, where his nightmares abide. Miss Glory is in fact the one acting as guardian there. I imagine that if there's anything to be done, it's in that place."
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
[He reaches out to pat his face.]
You were kind to him when you didn't have to be. 'Tis unfortunate that it turned out as it did, but you both will heal with time. Now. Might I borrow this map and the path forward?
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
"Oh, I imagine Hythlodaeus would argue that there is no such thing as having to be kind. Kindness expressed out of anything other than care is merely a facade, though I shall admit I am quite good at those."
Is paffed! He smiles, gesturing at the map and then the library around them.
"Oh, certainly. You may take whatever else takes your fancy, too - this is a place of learning, as it were, after all!"
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
The other two crystals of note are one in Levity's position colour and the other the hue of Hythlodaeus's soul. Hmmm!
Go ahead, take your pick.
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
There is more to be seen, if Emet wishes.
For Hythlodaeus's crystal... It is not exactly anything Emet doesn't know yet - all the memories he's taken since arriving, but experienced from Hythlodaeus's perspective. And much more vague images, undefined and half-remembered, half-imagined: evenings in his lodgings in Amaurot, the halls of the Akadaemia, the contents of his studies...
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
But that doesn't mean he won't snoop further. He goes in order of the other crystals starting with the bright red one.]
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
The most pronounced one is Levity's uneasy relationship with Five - a tangled mess of confusion, desire to be friends again, bitterness, sadness, previous affection, stubbornness, puzzled hurt, frustration, anxiety, guilt, and a good dose of fear. Along with those feelings come Levity's thoughts, like several phrases overlapping at the same time yet each one clear and understandable.
I don't understand what it is he wants from me.
It's not friendship, it's just a truce, isn't it.
What does he even think I'm going to do to Hades?
I can't talk to him. Anything I say will turn out to be wrong.
Would he distrust anyone from Amaurot like this? Is that what he thinks of us?
Why is it fine for him to dismiss my boundaries? Is it just because I try to understand instead of fighting back?
Would he even care if I fought back?
Was he only ever kind to me because of Hades?
Were we ever friends?
I'm tired. I'm tired. I don't want to think.
Next up is Vergil, and though there are some vague similarities, this one is a lot more positive. Affection, certain kind of protectiveness, remnants of his earlier attraction to Vergil - fainter now, things have gotten too complicated for that to be a focus anymore, - deep trust, feeling of safety - but a hint of hurt confusion as well.
I miss talking with him more.
I wonder if I could ask him to teach me to play the violin?
He and Cosmo are so sweet together.
I'm glad they found each other.
I wish I could do more.
Wanting to know what your loved ones look like when they suffer, when they die... that was his dream, wasn't it?
I wish he'd told me sooner he worried I might hurt Cosmo.
He's a good friend.
I wish he could be happier. I hope he will be, one day.
The other two "records" are Black and Sakura - but those impressions are much briefer. He's only met Sakura once and had a brief polite conversation with him - he seemed a good person, if quiet and shy. Black, meanwhile... it's a strange, half-formed memory, one that even Levity himself isn't sure is real - Black kneeling by Levity's corpse delicately, an organ in his hand that he brings to his mouth, takes a bite out of it, blood dribbling down his hands. That... that sure is a memory.
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
He does smile fondly at the Vergil feelings, but looks rather concerned regarding Five.]
Both of these you will need to forge for yourself. And I have no doubts that you will. Ever were our methods of forging friendships different.
[He puts it down gently before picking up the black one.]
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
Unfortunately it's not as though Levity can really answer Emet about their ways of building friendships, but perhaps that sentiment will be remembered. Or will it?
The black crystal, meanwhile, is obviously that of ZRAEL. Glory is the one Levity is closest with, and memories of her shine the brightest: affection, adoration, comfort and safety, confidence that she inspires in him, the feeling of being if not understood then accepted. The voice this time is Glory's own - things that she's said that left an impression on Levity, it seems.
If you say stuff like that, you're going to make me feel a little bad for threatening you.
I'm not going to just accept it when their actions mean my unit ends up with severed arms or flowers growing out of their chest or trampled and coughing up blood and it's somehow different because we deserve it.
When people are honest, at least you know where you stand, and nothing comes as a shock.
You know that even if you missed signals you're allowed to turn people down, right?
Oranges in general, yes, but you might get some complaints about bringing that specific one.
More than just being pointless, if you don't get revived by pep and end up taken to Lilith, she gives you your worst nightmare as part of the price for coming back. Don't... do that.
Murder doesn't need nice symbolism.
People don't all want the same things. That's the root of a lot of problems.
Hang on, I have references.
Just don't do anything stupid like hang over the edge of a bridge.
Lies don't mean much unless there's some truth in there for them to obscure.
We're... pretty close friends at this point, right?
Most people at least have a foundation. Things from their past they're attached to, or that have shaped them. Something to reference and build from. I don't have that. So what I'm building always feels... shakier. Like I'm building on sand or something.
I don't know about you, but I'm a lot more likely to hate or distrust someone if I learn they've been hiding important things to me than if they just tell me the thing.
Liking idiots is a problem sometimes.
Probably they want to avoid talking honestly about stuff because then they'd have to confront their own feelings on things.
The memories themselves are also very affectionate, mostly the times when Glory would end up taking care of Levity or looking out for him: comforting and grounding him after his flashback to the events in Absinthe's heart, visiting him with ice cream and then checking to make sure he drinks some water and goes to sleep after getting drunk after the space taxes game, their friend-date at Ameyoko, Glory helping Levity deal with the realization he is dead in his world.
Other than Glory, there are brief memories of Aradia, Doodle, Sabre and Kyanite, but out of them all it's only Kyanite who Levity has a deeper connection with - if such it could be called. There is a lot of confusion on Levity's end, not really understanding what Kyanite wants not just from him but in general, surprise and a kind of worried awe at the fact Kyanite was created to be a god to save his own world, and Levity can't help drawing a parallel between that and Zodiark.
His creators did not think about how he could feel about his standing. They just needed a god to save them.
Did we do the same to Zodiark?
For a supposedly perfect being, he is very... human.
I don't quite understand if he likes or hates me.
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
[Because he's simply a snoop and going in order, time for the gray crystal. Hope you don't mind the detour, Hythlodeaus.]
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
(There are crystals in every unit's colour by the way I just don't remember if I wrote each one out.)
The future is now crystal is... also full of affectionate memories. Levity really loves his unit; there's the feeling of comfort and support, protectiveness, adoration, wanting to make sure they are all happy.
Jason is - was - the most important person to Levity on the team. There's even more affection here, indignation at the things Jason had to go through during his life, stubborn desire to do nice things for him, camaraderie, just a hint of attraction, gratitude, a sense of shared responsibility for the rest of the unit, admiration, enjoyment of his dry sense of humour. And the lessons Levity learned from Jason - the way anger can help you get through the rough times, deep-seated knowledge that it's best to protect himself and his unit first and foremost during games. The importance of making decisions, and not running from the choices he makes. But, perhaps unfortunately for Emet, one of the strongest - and earliest - memories of Jason Levity has is a certain drinking session, full of anger and hurt and bitterness.
Sho has gone from a playful, somewhat flighty friend to someone Levity has come to rely on, a greatly welcome grounding influence to contrast Levity's own idealism - and another person who knows the merits of turning anger into desire to stand up for oneself.
If you've got friends to watch out for you, I'm relieved by that, but I also know they're your friends, not FiN's. Any kindness that's extended our way is in regard to you, not the rest of us.
Levity! Levity, please- would you be able to sew her back to her body?
I'd rather prepare knowing where an attack is coming from than try to appease someone who wants to act like a spoiled brat.
I don't have much compassion for any team that whines about how they're hurting when it coulda just as easily been FiN in that position.
I think your recognition of this change in you means you're not just gonna become a totally different, heartless person or anything like this.
Angel is kind, warm, and trying very hard - but always for the sake of others, not herself. There is sadness there, at the fact how little she thinks of herself, how ready she is to ignore her own pain and apologize for making others worry, even when she is so terribly hurt. There's hurt confusion, too, because Levity can't understand why Sunny hates her so much, but he's long since given up on trying to understand those two's relationship.
Intensity was someone Levity did not get to spend too much time with, but he admired him quite dearly, and worried about what might happen when it was time for Intensity to graduate. He'd been a cornerstone of the unit, but they managed to stay close just fine even after his departure. Levity feels quite remiss, though, not to have learned more from him - about Hell and Heaven, about his plans for this place and certainly about human technology and engineering; all that Levity has been learning has been from Intensity's leftover notes and projects.
Duality is quiet but kind, someone who's had to endure much more in his short life than a child should.
Arya is someone Levity also looks up to; there is much relief there at having found someone who also refuses to just accept and understand cruelty. She is a light of sorts, confident and kind, someone who reminds Levity of the kind of person he was - the kind of person he wants to be, to stay.
Frosty is newer, but once again someone who reminds Levity of himself, and someone he wants to protect - gentle, kind, shy. Would that he could keep Frosty out of the more violent games. There's a hint of endeared amusement at Frosty's crush on Sho, too - not that Levity can judge, of course, given his own penchant of falling for people very quickly, but it's still quite cute.
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
Though Sho seems a bit concerning as if he's definitely had a hard time, but filing that away for later.
On to the next one, the dark red, like the snoopy person he is!]
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
Also pick a baritones for this one. He has novel-length feelings on basically each one of you.
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
Re: BUREAU: HALL OF THE SPECTATOR
There's a lot.
He misses Emet - terribly, all the more so after getting back the memories of their youth, remembering how happy and comfortable he felt with him. But now it feels like there is always a wall between them, one that neither of them knows how to breach, one that makes even the most well-intended words and actions awkward. It feels terrible, and Levity doesn't know what to do about it - all he can do is try to ignore it, tell himself that it's fine and he should just keep trying to reach out, that it will be fine in the end. But underneath that is a deep fear, one that Levity can't admit even to himself: that perhaps they will never be such close friends again. That perhaps something has broken, and in their attempts to fix it they only break it further. It's terrifying; he doesn't want that to happen. But he does not know what to do.
And there is a particular memory that Levity keeps clinging to - the warmth of it, of being welcomed and feeling welcome; desire and determination to catch up with both Alexander and Cosmo and take his place by their side again.
But maybe something went wrong. Maybe he is wrong, just a pale, awkward imitation of the real Hythlodaeus, like the things from Alexander's nightmares. Levity doubts himself, his own steps and choices; whenever he's with Alexander, he feels so anxious and awkward, all too aware of the fact that he could hurt Alexander somehow, and likely never know it. Watching his own movements, thoughts, actions, all the time, in vain hope that he's doing things right - or at the very least, things that won't hurt Alexander too much. But the others doubt him, too, Five in particular doubts him brutally, and Levity feels as though he's being directed towards hurting Alexander no matter what; like being caught in a current, where struggling is useless and only makes it worse.
But amidst the fear and confusion there are other things, too - particularly a resolution, should he ever be witness to Alexander arguing with or misunderstanding someone else, to try and help them make up: reach out, talk to both, make them understand one another. Close to what he would have wanted for Alexander to do for him and Absinthe, but he's come to understand that perhaps that is not something Alexander can do anymore, or ever did in the first place.
There is frustration, too, but as of yet something Levity has not had the chance to understand or vocalize yet. But there is a feeling that he's being coddled by the Ascians; that they never would tell him if he was doing something wrong in their eyes, and that they would simply accept him as an enemy or someone who does not care for them, should his actions ever go too far. He wants to be told if he's ever doing something wrong, to be corrected. He does not know how else he is meant to grow: the other two always seem determined to leave him to his own devices, fearing influencing him, but he feels all the more uncertain for that. It's the mortals of this place that he has to learn from now, but the more Levity adopts the mortal ways of thinking, the further he feels from Amaurot, the more he fears being unable to return home.
And for the last, curious and unregarded even by Levity himself, there's a tinge of some kind of jealousy towards Five, though it's very hard to tell which kind. Not even Levity knows, and he's mostly unaware of the feeling, but he does envy Five and Alexander their closeness.