idolpro | 531 Monstrosity & Morality: Dividing Lines of the Self and Other, Section 4

"Like, you know—things that make you cry tears, maybe, um... like you're being stabbed, but emotionally?"

This girl has no idea what being sad feels like and is trying to describe it.

Oh -

I don't think that there are very many things like that ...

"Okay, so you're definitely not like Iris. Um... you got anything that makes you feel hhhhappy? Like... you see a really really good snack? I think?"

It is possible this kid doesn't really know how emotions work.

[ immediately perks up ]

- Oh! Yes! Well, I mentioned it a little while ago, too, but foods that are made with lots of different spices and peppers are really wonderful, aren't they?

What about you? Do you have snacks that you like?

"Well, usually... it used to be meat, but now... I guess it's sadness. I don't really know why, but I think it's tastier."

Is that so...

Do you know what you like about eating it...?

"Um... I guess... it's something that feels really substantial, and I don't get hungry for a long time when I eat some that's really good... I guess, also, I'm used to it, because the person who used to feed me had a lot of it."

[ a tiny nod, ]

Then, um ...

... When you're able to have it, do you know what happens to that person...?

"Well... if I take a lot of their feelings, they get really tired. And if I take all of them, then they sort of go..."

She makes a kind of crumbling motion with her hands. "I've never done that before, though. I wonder what it'd be like, to see that happen."

She doesn't really seem disturbed by the notion.

Oh, but - that isn't a very good idea, is it?

"...why not?"

Well -

Even if it sounds like something that would be interesting to do, you won't be able to eat from that person after that, will you...?

"Yeah... I guess that's true. I don't really care which person, though, except Iris keeps feeding me, so that's helpful. She wants me to be more like a person, though."

[ hm

gestures for her to come a little closer ]

What do you mean...?

She takes like, a half-step closer.

"Like... to care about people's feelings, and to do... things that kids do, like play games and cry and stuff. She wanted me to do that even before I was uplifted, when she was trying to get me to hunt more like she does and not kill people."

Those sorts of things can be really hard, can't they?

Is it okay for me to ask you to come over here...?

"Everyone talks about it like it's really easy, though." She shrugs, and trots over. "What do you want?"

[ reaches with a hand to try and pat her head. ]

"...why are you doing that?"

Oh - if it's something that you don't like, then I'll stop, okay? ... But, I was thinking about how cute you are and how hard you must have been trying, and I thought that I wanted to pat your head...

"Um, it's fine, but..." She considers. "Is that nice? Is it nice to pat people on the head? I don't get it."

- Oh!

Mm, it's nice, isn't it? I think - ... well, my husbands like to pat my head, and being able to pat theirs, or my younger sister's, or my boyfriend's - or anyone else's, too... I don't think that things like that are very bad, and it's something that they like too, I think . . .

Do you want to try it...?

"...can I? I don't get it, but maybe I could understand it. I don't feel things, but I could learn it, maybe."

[ lets go of her to kneel a bit, dipping her head to put it in patting range ]

There...

Very focused, very serious—she reaches out a hand and. Pat. Pat. Pat.

"What... am I supposed to feel?"

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