idolpro | ALCHEME

ALCHEME

[you find yourself in this derelict village, with not a soul to be seen—but before you is this station wagon:

for all intents and purposes, this baby is a simple "honk, steer, pedal to go, brakes to stop" vehicle that anyone with opposable thumbs can drive. despite its age, it does have a handy GPS system that displays paths you can take, but fails to identify anything like landmarks or other worldly features. last but not least: its paint job is done in your unit's color!

The following can be found in the trunk/dashboard:
• Icepicks
• These 5 Bone Saws
• A surgical set
• A single miniature of 99 Bananas
• one large first aid kit containing nothing but bandages and bandaids]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[the GPS can talk, and it sounds a lot like God's voice]

Do please choose between the following blessed paths!

[the GPS screen then shows four paths fanned out in different directions, and reads aloud the vague directions in, once again, God's glorious voice]

1) LEFTMOST PATH

2) LEFT PATH

3) RIGHT PATH

4) RIGHTMOST PATH

[the GPS does not give you any hint as to which goes where. just like God herself, it's entirely unhelpful.]

Oh, this looks fun.

[FROZEN—not literally tho]

Ughhhhhhh...

My hair's warm if you need to burrow.

[ is she joking, or, ]

This bitch this absolute biittccchhhh how dare sheeeee....

Can't believe that disgusting woman laser targeted one of our babies like this.

[...going to just gently shove him into the back of the car]

Cling for warmth back there to Tea and her hair.