[They can't. They can't. It's absolutely pointless wishing otherwise--
[She's doing it anyway. She doesn't know how not to.]
But - but you couldn't, could you? Not without planning and asking ahead and - and it would be impossible, wouldn't it? Because w're all in private and people could say anything and do something else and... it's impossible, isn't it? It's totally impossible.
I... suppose it wouldn't be much of a challenge if we did.
[She swallows for what feels like the millionth time, and the motion makes the collar at her throat go tight. Wednesday flinches, blinking back another rush of tears.]
How do we do this? I know we have to pick someone, but - how? There's so many people!
[quiet for a moment, then takes a deep breath, and nods]
It's not an easy choice. And one that should be taken lightly, either. Though that feels kind of silly to say.
Do you have someone you'd like to protect no matter what? Or would you rather focus on trying to protect someone who might end up overlooked by other units?
Those questions can help us start narrowing things down.
[She hesitates. Levi. Prim and Hiryuu. Sol. Amaranth--
[That's not going to be the answer.]
Oh, I can't choose between them like that! I... maybe I shouldn't have talked to so many people...
[Wednesday giggles, the laughter bubbling up unbidden from her throat. It's not a pleasant giggle.]
I - everyone must like Heart Soldier, mustn't they? If I said them... surely someone else would get there first. And then, a unit who might have been protected...
[The collar feels too tight again. She tugs at it.]
[she chuckles a little at that, as well, though it comes with a wry smile
takes another deep breath:]
I...
I know exactly how you feel, because that's how I felt in our first bad game too. It was also about choosing units to protect and to attack, you know?
[shifts to sit next to her, still holding her hand]
I don't know if this will help you, but Rise and Angel helped me a lot during and after that game...
The best choice you can make is one that you won't regret. Just look inside yourself, think about how you'd like to do things without overthinking all the possibilities. Because then, even if things don't go the way you would have liked, you'll still know that you chose what you thought was best.
[Yes, she just gasped. That, she thinks is the only thing that could possibly make this feel worse: if, instead of simply choosing who to save, she had to choose who to hurt, too.]
I'm sorry. That sounds like it must have been awful.
[It makes her feel, perhaps, a little better. If everyone thinks this is bad... she's just the only one who's cried over it. And she's starting to understand that, whoever she is now and whoever Wednesday's Child was before, her emotions must always run very close to the surface.]
Do you have anyone you want to protect now? I think I must have too many.
Well, it was much simpler... but we were all new then, so it felt like a lot.
In that sense, you shouldn't feel bad for being so upset about this. It is super upsetting and unfair to everyone. Asking us to prioritize some people's lives over other's...
[huffs, trying to tone down her slight grumpiness]
I do, and they're also too many. There's no way I could choose without feeling like I'm putting someone else's lives on the line.
... But that's why, I want to make the kind of choice I won't regret. It's not a choice that will make everything magically okay or that will protect everyone, but it's the choice I know I will be able to live with.
[She knows which way her heart's pulling her, but her head is pulling back, and pulling harder. It's telling her, no. That there's no way she can put a boy she barely knows, no matter how much she might like him, over Prim, and over Hiryuu, and over a unit that would have people like them in.]
I know I'm going to regret something. But... we can't not choose. Even if everyone else chose someone different, if we backed out... then people would still be hurt, wouldn't they?
I just hope the people I can't protect myself stay safe anyway.
You know... I didn't really think they would set all this up, just to allow us to opt out of it somehow. They have to make it worse to do nothing, because otherwise why would anybody agree to do such horrible things at all?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Wednesday... I'm sorry. We usually have a means to protect ourselves, but...
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[She wipes her eyes. Tries to smile.
[Idols are supposed to smile.]
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I think pep!pep! is generally were liked around here... and people value our abilities, so... we have good chances of being protected.
Not that... that guarantees anything, but...
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[Thank goodness she's got a hand free. She can use it to wipe at her eyes.]
I... is it selfish? To want that so badly, if it means that someone else--
[She can't finish. Doesn't know how.]
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It's not. In an ideal world, we should all be able to work together and make it so that every unit is protected.
[unfortunately, as you probably already know, people.]
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[They can't. They can't. It's absolutely pointless wishing otherwise--
[She's doing it anyway. She doesn't know how not to.]
But - but you couldn't, could you? Not without planning and asking ahead and - and it would be impossible, wouldn't it? Because w're all in private and people could say anything and do something else and... it's impossible, isn't it? It's totally impossible.
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The point of this is that we had no way to prepare in advance, I guess.
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[She swallows for what feels like the millionth time, and the motion makes the collar at her throat go tight. Wednesday flinches, blinking back another rush of tears.]
How do we do this? I know we have to pick someone, but - how? There's so many people!
no subject
[quiet for a moment, then takes a deep breath, and nods]
It's not an easy choice. And one that should be taken lightly, either. Though that feels kind of silly to say.
Do you have someone you'd like to protect no matter what? Or would you rather focus on trying to protect someone who might end up overlooked by other units?
Those questions can help us start narrowing things down.
no subject
[She hesitates. Levi. Prim and Hiryuu. Sol. Amaranth--
[That's not going to be the answer.]
Oh, I can't choose between them like that! I... maybe I shouldn't have talked to so many people...
[Wednesday giggles, the laughter bubbling up unbidden from her throat. It's not a pleasant giggle.]
I - everyone must like Heart Soldier, mustn't they? If I said them... surely someone else would get there first. And then, a unit who might have been protected...
[The collar feels too tight again. She tugs at it.]
How does anyone decide?
no subject
takes another deep breath:]
I...
I know exactly how you feel, because that's how I felt in our first bad game too. It was also about choosing units to protect and to attack, you know?
[shifts to sit next to her, still holding her hand]
I don't know if this will help you, but Rise and Angel helped me a lot during and after that game...
The best choice you can make is one that you won't regret. Just look inside yourself, think about how you'd like to do things without overthinking all the possibilities. Because then, even if things don't go the way you would have liked, you'll still know that you chose what you thought was best.
And no one can blame you for that.
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[Yes, she just gasped. That, she thinks is the only thing that could possibly make this feel worse: if, instead of simply choosing who to save, she had to choose who to hurt, too.]
I'm sorry. That sounds like it must have been awful.
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Thinking back on it, that game was nothing compared to this one. Haaah...
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[Wednesday blinks. It surprises her--
[It makes her feel, perhaps, a little better. If everyone thinks this is bad... she's just the only one who's cried over it. And she's starting to understand that, whoever she is now and whoever Wednesday's Child was before, her emotions must always run very close to the surface.]
Do you have anyone you want to protect now? I think I must have too many.
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In that sense, you shouldn't feel bad for being so upset about this. It is super upsetting and unfair to everyone. Asking us to prioritize some people's lives over other's...
[huffs, trying to tone down her slight grumpiness]
I do, and they're also too many. There's no way I could choose without feeling like I'm putting someone else's lives on the line.
... But that's why, I want to make the kind of choice I won't regret. It's not a choice that will make everything magically okay or that will protect everyone, but it's the choice I know I will be able to live with.
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[She knows which way her heart's pulling her, but her head is pulling back, and pulling harder. It's telling her, no. That there's no way she can put a boy she barely knows, no matter how much she might like him, over Prim, and over Hiryuu, and over a unit that would have people like them in.]
I know I'm going to regret something. But... we can't not choose. Even if everyone else chose someone different, if we backed out... then people would still be hurt, wouldn't they?
I just hope the people I can't protect myself stay safe anyway.
no subject
It's impossible not to regret something, when things are like this... but we can at least try to make sure we won't regret the actions we take.
Inaction is worse... and it's been punished by the Producers in the past, so... it's not a good idea anyway.
Let's hope that as many people as possible can be protected.
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You know... I didn't really think they would set all this up, just to allow us to opt out of it somehow. They have to make it worse to do nothing, because otherwise why would anybody agree to do such horrible things at all?