idolpro | 531 Monstrosity & Morality: Dividing Lines of the Self and Other, Section 4

Mn, I don't think that it's really anything like that - in comparison to something like that, isn't it more like that example - ... ?

Even if I could say that too - that the sky is blue, or sometimes red or grey, it doesn't mean that the blue, red, and grey that we see are the same kinds, does it...?

"Hm... maybe I was wrong, then. I was wondering if you were like me, since you seem like you talk about those things like... they're not really a thing you feel, exactly?"

She frowns. "But I guess maybe everyone is different..."

Ah - ...

[ hums a little, gaze drifting off towards a nothing-in-particular piece of bookshelf ]

I don't really know ...

[ and, after a pause, ]

What do you think?

"Well, you're not very much like Grace, because she always thinks she knows the answer even if she doesn't actually—"

She shakes her head.

"Maybe you're like Iris. I can't tell what you want from me, though. I could always tell, with her."

[ ? ]

Oh, I don't really want anything, I think ... but you were watching me read, weren't you? After I ended up hearing you, I wondered who it was that was behind me, and tried to look for you - and then after you were found, I thought that there might be something that you wanted to talk about, or that you might have wanted to talk, so then I asked - and then right now, we're talking to each other, aren't we?

"...."

She just kind of stares for a few seconds.

"You got anything you're sad about?"

... What do you mean?

"Like, you know—things that make you cry tears, maybe, um... like you're being stabbed, but emotionally?"

This girl has no idea what being sad feels like and is trying to describe it.

Oh -

I don't think that there are very many things like that ...

"Okay, so you're definitely not like Iris. Um... you got anything that makes you feel hhhhappy? Like... you see a really really good snack? I think?"

It is possible this kid doesn't really know how emotions work.

[ immediately perks up ]

- Oh! Yes! Well, I mentioned it a little while ago, too, but foods that are made with lots of different spices and peppers are really wonderful, aren't they?

What about you? Do you have snacks that you like?

"Well, usually... it used to be meat, but now... I guess it's sadness. I don't really know why, but I think it's tastier."

Is that so...

Do you know what you like about eating it...?

"Um... I guess... it's something that feels really substantial, and I don't get hungry for a long time when I eat some that's really good... I guess, also, I'm used to it, because the person who used to feed me had a lot of it."

[ a tiny nod, ]

Then, um ...

... When you're able to have it, do you know what happens to that person...?

"Well... if I take a lot of their feelings, they get really tired. And if I take all of them, then they sort of go..."

She makes a kind of crumbling motion with her hands. "I've never done that before, though. I wonder what it'd be like, to see that happen."

She doesn't really seem disturbed by the notion.

Oh, but - that isn't a very good idea, is it?

"...why not?"

Well -

Even if it sounds like something that would be interesting to do, you won't be able to eat from that person after that, will you...?

"Yeah... I guess that's true. I don't really care which person, though, except Iris keeps feeding me, so that's helpful. She wants me to be more like a person, though."

[ hm

gestures for her to come a little closer ]

What do you mean...?

She takes like, a half-step closer.

"Like... to care about people's feelings, and to do... things that kids do, like play games and cry and stuff. She wanted me to do that even before I was uplifted, when she was trying to get me to hunt more like she does and not kill people."

Those sorts of things can be really hard, can't they?

Is it okay for me to ask you to come over here...?

"Everyone talks about it like it's really easy, though." She shrugs, and trots over. "What do you want?"

[ reaches with a hand to try and pat her head. ]

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