idolpro | Mori's heart

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!heart games

Mori's heart

All at once a rainbow of bright lights feels as if it is bursting through you. It is an intense experience, but not an unpleasant one. As the colours burn through your skin, and lighting begins to spark through your veins, you feel stronger, you could take on the world right now.

Faintly in the distance, beyond the iridescent light show that overwhelms your vision, you can just about make out some silhouettes, but they’re too blurred, too indistinct and too far to tell anything about them. You can’t see them, but you know they’re welcoming you. You’re wanted here, you’re needed here, and the light is guiding you where you’re meant to go.

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[ Hmm, considering Mori's different selves are basically of two minds about it, it doesn't seem like he actually knows what he should do either.

Damn it, he's got to navigate this without context.]

So why is it that you have to put it in the room? Are you saying you have to in order to work towards 'letting it go'? Both of you disagree about how to handle it, so the way I see it, it just looks like you're trying to force yourself to move on instead of actually trying to work out how you feel about it. Why's it so hard to accept normally?

Little Mori folds his arms and shrinks in on himself, looking away. "I just... I don't like him, that's it..."

Now it's the older Mori's turn to frown. "That's not true. You don't want to like him, because it's easier not to deal with everything else if you can focus on that, but that's not fair to him. I'm not trying to force anything, Eclipse-kun, I just don't want to run away."

"That isn't it at all!"

[For a moment he pinches the bridge of his nose. Then he takes a breath and looks back up at the both of them.]

Okay, one, you -- [He gestures at the youngest Mori.] are basically making excuses. Easier to just say you don't like someone than actually examine why you feel that way and whatever it was that happened, right? Which has never once just caused more problems later, I'm sure.

However, you -- [Now he points to older Mori] -- are forcing the issue. 'Cause you're basically doing the opposite, to try and make yourself do what you think is the' right' thing to do in this situation. It just seems like you're forcing yourself to feel differently instead of actually addressing why you feel that way to begin with. What makes dealing with the 'everything else' so difficult that you have to throw the grudge into the good things room as your solution?

Middle school Mori is very alarmed to have this attention directed towards him and takes a step back, anxious.

The other Mori stares at Eclipse, thinking his words over carefully. "He apologised. He wants to do better in future. I want to give him that chance. The 'everything else' was bad game stuff. Isn't that unfair to hold against him?"

The little Mori pipes up at that point, mumbling under his breath, "He apologised in the games too but still kept doing it, why should this be different..."

[What the fuck did people do to Mori in games, is what Eclipse thinks. To the point that he has a specific issue with one of them??]

So he apologised but a part of you doesn't really buy it. Which is pretty fair since apologising and then doing it anyway just makes him seem insincere.

And...[His gaze drifts down for a moment like he doesn't want to meet either Mori's eyes, but he straightens himself back up. No, he has to look at them properly. To do otherwise would just be dishonest.]

Look, I'll be honest with you, I don't think it's 'unfair' to hold what happens in bad games against people. Especially if they had a choice in how to go about the bad things that happen. It doesn't change that we got hurt and have to bloody live with it, forced hands or no.

Do you think it's not possible to give someone a chance while doubting them until they prove you can trust them again?

Edited 2019-02-18 19:14 (UTC)

"Eclipse-kun..."

HSS Mori steps forward, reaching out for Eclipse, but the little one holds him back. The big one frowns, but continues on.

"It's not that I don't think it's possible. It's fine to still have doubts - you aren't wrong. But... It's not just that. I want to give them a chance without being blinded by anger. So many things happened... Things that weren't even their fault, or related to them, and holding onto it like this-"

He gestures at the gun.

"-is just burdening him with a responsibility for pain he didn't cause."

[ Now that he's finally got some context for this he...well, he sympathises, really. He doesn't have all the facts but he can tell Mori wants to move on from this issue, one way or another. ]

I get it. It's just...is this really the only way to accomplish that?

"It's probably not. We should keep thinking on it." Little Mori says quietly.

"What other way would you suggest?" HSS Mori asks.

Isn't there...I don't know, some kind of neutral area? A place where you can have all the mixed feelings you want?

I gues the other way would be to destroy the firewand, but that probably isn't really 'helping' so much as just getting rid of it.

They both wave their hands, "Destroying it would be bad!"

HSS Mori motions to the spiral door, "We could have mixed feelings about it in there. It's a place for good things, but really, it's a place for where anything good could be allowed to grow. In that door," he motions to the black X, "nothing good could happen."

Little Mori frowns, "I wouldn't mind having a more neutral area."

...I guess that could work. You guys can't just make another room?

"Well..." HSS Mori hesitates, rubbing the back of his head. "I guess we could? But that's it's own kind of statement. It would still be creating a distance instead of trying to confront the problem."

I figured it'd be something like that.

So...[He looks at middle school Mori.] Are you okay with putting it in the spiral room?

Middle school Mori continues to look uncomfortable when attention is directed to him. "Um, er... I, would rather not..."

Then where? If you just put it back into that room as it is then nothing changes. Unless you're saying you're fine with that?

He fidgets with his hands, "I don't even know what we'd change it to... Sh-Shouldn't, we at least wait, until we have something better? Putting that in there, in that form, would be a poison, and if we don't have anything meaningful to make it into, then it would be an empty gesture..."

Something meaningful, huh.

[HMMM...]

...An olive branch?

They both turn to look at each other, considering.

"That... It doesnt really represent him, but..."

"...But as a representation of our feelings about him, it could work."

Honestly, I get the feeling I probably don't know him well enough to suggest something more suitable, so...

HSS Mori shakes his head, "No, that's a helpful suggestion. Thanks Eclipse-kun."

Then it's settled for now?

"Yeah, I think we've got a solution. Right?" HSS mori says, turning to look at the other one. He hesitates, but nods.

"I, um... I think it could work, until something changes with him... Thank you."

You're welcome.

Is it okay if I...uhm, take a look in those rooms?

Little Mori's eyes go wide, "Um, which ones?"

The ones without the black cross.

Mori's heart

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