idolpro | 531 Monstrosity & Morality: Dividing Lines of the Self and Other, Section 4

"I wonder what it would be like to eat tea and cookies..."

She goes sort of... oddly neutral.

"Do you remember what that's like, Miss?"

Me?

For me, I think - ... well, between them, if it's a decision between eating something sweet and something that's spicy, then I prefer to eat things that are spicy, but it's really nice to make tea, and to bake cookies - and other people seem like they really like them... There are a lot of different kinds, too, so it's probably something that can change really easily, isn't it?

"Probably...?"

The little girl tilts her head. "Do you not know that kind of thing?"

There's a little bit of interest there.

Well, whether it's something that I've experienced before, or something that hasn't happened before, it's still something that's a little hard to tell, isn't it?

It's a little like . . .

[ trails off, thoughtful . . . ]

Um, it's a little like the color of the sky, right? Not the reason for it, or anything like that, but just that color...

What color do you think that it is? Do you know? It's okay if you don't!

Edited 2021-09-07 02:12 (UTC)

"It's blue sometimes... but also it's red sometimes. And it's kind of gross and grey in Los Angeles?"

...

"You just seem kind of like... you're trying not to have feelings about things, Miss."

Mn, I don't think that it's really anything like that - in comparison to something like that, isn't it more like that example - ... ?

Even if I could say that too - that the sky is blue, or sometimes red or grey, it doesn't mean that the blue, red, and grey that we see are the same kinds, does it...?

"Hm... maybe I was wrong, then. I was wondering if you were like me, since you seem like you talk about those things like... they're not really a thing you feel, exactly?"

She frowns. "But I guess maybe everyone is different..."

Ah - ...

[ hums a little, gaze drifting off towards a nothing-in-particular piece of bookshelf ]

I don't really know ...

[ and, after a pause, ]

What do you think?

"Well, you're not very much like Grace, because she always thinks she knows the answer even if she doesn't actually—"

She shakes her head.

"Maybe you're like Iris. I can't tell what you want from me, though. I could always tell, with her."

[ ? ]

Oh, I don't really want anything, I think ... but you were watching me read, weren't you? After I ended up hearing you, I wondered who it was that was behind me, and tried to look for you - and then after you were found, I thought that there might be something that you wanted to talk about, or that you might have wanted to talk, so then I asked - and then right now, we're talking to each other, aren't we?

"...."

She just kind of stares for a few seconds.

"You got anything you're sad about?"

... What do you mean?

"Like, you know—things that make you cry tears, maybe, um... like you're being stabbed, but emotionally?"

This girl has no idea what being sad feels like and is trying to describe it.

Oh -

I don't think that there are very many things like that ...

"Okay, so you're definitely not like Iris. Um... you got anything that makes you feel hhhhappy? Like... you see a really really good snack? I think?"

It is possible this kid doesn't really know how emotions work.

[ immediately perks up ]

- Oh! Yes! Well, I mentioned it a little while ago, too, but foods that are made with lots of different spices and peppers are really wonderful, aren't they?

What about you? Do you have snacks that you like?

"Well, usually... it used to be meat, but now... I guess it's sadness. I don't really know why, but I think it's tastier."

Is that so...

Do you know what you like about eating it...?

"Um... I guess... it's something that feels really substantial, and I don't get hungry for a long time when I eat some that's really good... I guess, also, I'm used to it, because the person who used to feed me had a lot of it."

[ a tiny nod, ]

Then, um ...

... When you're able to have it, do you know what happens to that person...?

"Well... if I take a lot of their feelings, they get really tired. And if I take all of them, then they sort of go..."

She makes a kind of crumbling motion with her hands. "I've never done that before, though. I wonder what it'd be like, to see that happen."

She doesn't really seem disturbed by the notion.

Oh, but - that isn't a very good idea, is it?

"...why not?"

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