idolpro | Mori's heart

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Mori's heart

All at once a rainbow of bright lights feels as if it is bursting through you. It is an intense experience, but not an unpleasant one. As the colours burn through your skin, and lighting begins to spark through your veins, you feel stronger, you could take on the world right now.

Faintly in the distance, beyond the iridescent light show that overwhelms your vision, you can just about make out some silhouettes, but they’re too blurred, too indistinct and too far to tell anything about them. You can’t see them, but you know they’re welcoming you. You’re wanted here, you’re needed here, and the light is guiding you where you’re meant to go.

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Mori scoffs, "You don't want to know this part of me."

Yes, I do.

"Why?!" They cry out, frustrated, ducking their head.

... you've done more than me than anyone else. I want to be there for you too, even though... even if I'm not always sure how.

[he takes a breath, watching him calmly, though on the inside he can feel his heart hammering because all of this is true but comforting words are not his greatest asset and he just wants to speak his mind, to be honest]

I'm still learning, and I know I'm awful at expressing what I want to say. But there's no way you're not shouldering more than you should have to. And you don't have to, not alone.

Edited 2019-02-18 21:02 (UTC)

They flinch away, not wanting to accept any comfort.

"I'm not capable of doing anything nice for anyone else. If that's what you want to repay, go talk to some part of Mori that actually has been there for you. There's plenty to make nice with downstairs."

You wouldn't be yourself without all the parts of you.

"Anyone would be better off without me."

Would they?

"Don't act like you don't think so too. You're only here to get rid of feelings like me."

I would never do that.

[...he looks at his own hands]

You wouldn't tell me to get rid of same kind of feelings. They're... necessary.

"Are they? What kind of feelings do you think I am?"

I can't tell exactly. But feelings that aren't always comfortable. Like anger, or hatred.

"...Yeah. Something like that, I guess, wouldn't be inaccurate. If that's what you wanna say, you wouldn't be wrong."

I have those feelings too.

"...I know..."

And I'm not going to think less of you for having them.

"...Do you think less of yourself?"

[... curls his fingers into a loose fist]

Mm... it's happened.

He shuffles awkwardly on the rail, looking down.

"And would you get rid of those feelings if you could?"

[... lets his hand drop, coming up beside Mori, leaning his back against the fence]

Yes and no.

Edited 2019-02-18 23:12 (UTC)

Tensing up.

"Why not?"

I don't like them, and they frustrate me. But... they kind of help me forward as much as any other feeling, even if I don't remember much. At least that's what it feels like. Even if—

[pauses, turning to look at Mori]

Even if they blinded me for a while. They're still my feelings.

"...It's easy to get blinded, isn't it? You're moving forward. That's good, that you can use it constructively.

But I don't think that's what I'm for."

[shrugs]

I'm saying you're allowed to have them. You're... keeping yourself far away up here alone. Like you're deliberately deciding you're bad.

What do you think you're for?

Snapping harshly, "I'm not for helping anyone move forward through anything, that's for sure."

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